Booze Reviews | Pals

Posted 9:45pm Thursday 6th August 2020

Pals offers three gentle RTDs. They’re unoffensive, decently strong, and come in pretty colors, just like the Powerpuff Girls and, just like the Powerpuff Girls, they’re what I’d give my children to play with. They’ve got fruit in them! That’s pretty good parenting in Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | The Taste of Medicine

Posted 9:44pm Thursday 6th August 2020

It was a cool autumn day. We were in level-2 and my balls were blue. The COVID-19 lockdown had restrained me, but now I was free.  A girl messaged me on Instagram. I vaguely knew her from a martial arts group. She asked if I wanted to get a drink. I don’t drink, but I accepted Read more...

Critic Booze Reviews | Rabbit Ranch Pinot Gris

Posted 11:53pm Thursday 14th May 2020

When esteemed Dunedin South (now Taieri) electorate member of parliament, Clare Curran, came to Critic for an intense debate, she brought wine along with her. She brought Rabbit Ranch, a fruity sav that tingles the throat with every sip. Nice attempt to intimidate us Clare, but we deal with Harlene Read more...

Critic Booze Reviews | Hardy's

Posted 8:47pm Thursday 3rd October 2019

Hardy’s is my darling. My sweet saucy McMuffin. What’s so great about it? Let’s slip into something more comfortable and find out. It’s the end of the year and by now you should be well aware of how shit the BYO regulations in Dunedin are. Seriously, every other city has Read more...

Critic Booze Reviews | Kracken Rum

Posted 10:44pm Thursday 26th September 2019

The slosh of pouring a glass of Kraken rum is what good pussy sounds like. It’s wet, ethnically ambiguous and holds enough power to bring you to your knees. Get sippin’. Kraken is infused with 11 different herbs and spices, which is coincidentally the same number as KFC’s Read more...

Critic Booze Reviews | Coruba and Cola

Posted 10:35am Friday 20th September 2019

Coruba & Cola is far too sweet. The word “cola” should tip you off - no one uses that word unless forced – and the result is a sugary jizz concoction that would leave Barry B. Benson ashamed and with a sticky lower stomach. Quick, someone grab the tissues before mum gets home. Read more...

Critic Booze Reviews | Bell's Scotch

Posted 11:41pm Thursday 12th September 2019

Bell’s Scotch is an alcohol that should have died with the dinosaurs; the meteorite was close, but not close enough. Scotch is also, coincidentally, the postgrad drink of choice. Perhaps they’ve had so many bad nights with vodka, gin and rum that after a few years of drinking this is Read more...

Critic Booze Reviews | Great White Shark

Posted 10:35pm Thursday 5th September 2019

I’m not sure if making a non-sweet RTD is an incredible idea, doomed to fail or both. Great White Sharks tastes like liquidised celery, which is not something I ever particularly wanted to try, but then again I’ve sucked your dad’s dick. Guess which one is more sticky when it pours Read more...

Critic Booze Reviews | Gordon’s Gin and Tonic

Posted 10:24pm Thursday 29th August 2019

There’re times in one’s life when you just have to say "fuck it" and drink G&T in a can. For those who are experiencing the bleakness of life’s existence, just drink Gordon’s Gin and Tonic RTD 12-pack and get it over with. For me, a G&T is what I drink when Read more...

Critic Booze Reviews | Booze Reviews: Chasseur Cask Medium White Wine

Posted 8:23pm Saturday 17th August 2019

Ring the wedding bells; I’m getting married. That’s right, I’ve found the one. Well, kind of. I don’t mean she’s as sexy as tequila or as good in bed as Jägermeister. She’s a far throw from my childhood love (RTDs, I miss you) but I'm a third year now, Read more...