“Nice Guys Always Finish Last,” Says Man Who Regularly Calls Women “Cunts” on the Internet

Posted 11:21pm Thursday 12th April 2018

“Bitches and sluts these days only wanna date jerks. No luck for nice guys like me,” said local man Brandon Lee in an internet rant yesterday. Lee, who is known for his extremist political opinions, anime fandom, and general unpleasantness, complained bitterly about “always being Read more...

Hyde Street Lad Revamps Wardrobe by Adding Second Pair of Jandals

Posted 11:21pm Thursday 12th April 2018

Boomer Jenkins, a third year lad and resident at The Chum Bucket on Hyde Street, has announced a new look for the fall season. After blowing out his Student Life Jandals, Boomer invested in a slick blue and white pair from the Kmart $4 section. “I like to keep things fresh,” Boomer Read more...

Aspiring Songwriter Discovers Metaphor About Love and Drugs

Posted 11:19pm Thursday 12th April 2018

In the middle of a four hour weed-fuelled songwriting blitz, local musician Kezza Richards wrote a line he believes will “fucking change the game bro”. In what may be a first for the music industry, Kezza has drawn an analogy between the emotion of love and certain illegal mind-altering Read more...

The Post-Fact World | Issue 07

Posted 10:53pm Thursday 12th April 2018

Raisins are dehydrated mouse brains Mouse brains are dehydrated mouse brains Human brains are hydrated pineapples Steve Buscemi is the slowly decaying corpse of Adam Sandler’s original body Green pens are better for the environment Octopus ink is octopus stink Jesus is the Read more...

Critic Blind Date | Minnie and Mickey

Posted 10:20pm Thursday 12th April 2018

The hopeful lovers on the Critic Blind Date are provided with a meal and a bar tab, thanks to the Dog With Two Tails. If you’re looking for love and want to give the Blind Date a go, email critic@critic.co.nz   Minnie The night started nervously at 7:00 pm with a fine bottle Read more...

Critic Blind Date | Meghan and Harry

Posted 10:45pm Thursday 5th April 2018

The hopeful lovers on the Critic Blind Date are provided with a meal and a bar tab, thanks to the Dog With Two Tails. If you’re looking for love and want to give the Blind Date a go, email critic@critic.co.nz Meghan It was 7pm. I’m sitting on the couch in my sweaty Read more...

The Great Critic Fish n Chip Review

Posted 10:17pm Thursday 5th April 2018

Fish and chips are the ultimate feed for students. They’re cheap, they’re unhealthy, they don’t ask questions or judge your lifestyle choices. Critic have left no salty stone unturned in the noble quest to deduce the best fish and chips available to the good residents of North Read more...

The Post-Fact World | Issue 06

Posted 9:54pm Thursday 5th April 2018

Anteaters don’t actually eat ants, they just give them a little ride on their tongue It’s illegal to eat party mix if you’re not having a party One square of toilet paper is exactly enough paper for a dolphin to choke to death on Wombs are reverse tombs The Dunedin Read more...

Real Facts | Issue 06

Posted 9:51pm Thursday 5th April 2018

The Queen does the washing-up once a year. There’s a special hut at Balmoral for her to do it in. Fighter pilots in stressful situations release such large amounts of hormones that they may ejaculate. German city Trier has replaced some of its crosswalk lights with tiny images of Karl Read more...

Experts Confirm Grant Robertson Would Be Fucking Great to Get on the Piss with

Posted 9:35pm Thursday 5th April 2018

The Minister of Finance has been assessed by experts who have confirmed that he would be able to sink a lot of piss and entertain people with his belly laughs. Robertson confirmed this, saying “Yeah, fucking oath. I’m an old school rooster.” The former OUSA President said he only Read more...