Middle-Aged Meth Head Thinks She Can Fit in at Student Party

Posted 5:44pm Thursday 26th April 2018

A woman notably older than everyone else has turned up to a low-key student party on Cargill Street. Invited in by some really drunk people at the front gate who failed to notice her faded Monster Energy Drink branded hoodie, she has worked her way into someone’s bedroom and has begun sidling Read more...

PC Gone Mad? Dunedin High School Bans All RTDs Over 5%

Posted 5:42pm Thursday 26th April 2018

In a controversial move which has many human rights activists up in arms, Otago Boys’ High School has announced that all RTDs containing over 5% Alcohol will be banned from school grounds. “We’ve had a number of issues with Year 9 students turning up to class off their chops on Read more...

Manhunt for Jaywalker Enters 48th Hour

Posted 9:05pm Thursday 19th April 2018

A citywide search for a criminal crosser has been ongoing since Tuesday afternoon. Dunedin crimester Mathew Denys was spotted crossing the road without a green man by a concerned citizen who contacted police. Police Constable James Everest said “we’ve come close to catching him a few Read more...

Man Returns From Dead to Ask: “U Up?”

Posted 9:04pm Thursday 19th April 2018

Several mourners of late Dunedin man Chaz Chadderson (19) were shocked to receive a text from him at 2am on Sunday morning. Chadderson, an active participant in the Dunedin community, had been memorialised after he went missing and was assumed dead. Kelsey Summers, Bianca Laurens, Patricia Read more...

Student Claims 1/64th Heritage to Justify Offensive Hyde St Costume

Posted 9:02pm Thursday 19th April 2018

“I’ve been on Ancestry.com, that means I can dress like a chola,” claims local third year student Becky Kane upon purchasing her Hyde St keg party costume. Kane justified her lazily stereotypical costume of a Mexican drug cartel member through “watching Narcos” and Read more...

Post Facts | Issue 08

Posted 8:52pm Thursday 19th April 2018

You can bring up any baby animal underwater and it will learn to breath like a fish “Nippy” means cold because all nipples are inherently cold A conversation between three people is called a tri-alouge A provisional conversation between three people is called a trial-alouge A Read more...

I Took Mushrooms and Went to a Concert, Because Journalism

Posted 8:15pm Thursday 19th April 2018

If there’s one thing that Critic has taught me, it’s that you can do the dumbest shit you can think of, and if you write about it afterwards, it’s still technically journalism. Watch every Adam Sandler movie in a year? Journalism. Wear a fedora for seven days? Journalism. Fuck a Read more...

Critic Blind Date | Wonder Woman and Steve Trevor

Posted 6:12pm Thursday 19th April 2018

The hopeful lovers on the Critic Blind Date are provided with a meal and a bar tab, thanks to the Dog With Two Tails. If you’re looking for love and want to give the Blind Date a go, email critic@critic.co.nz   Wonder Woman The Critic blind date seems to have a Read more...

Sexy Garfield: The Gift That Keeps On Giving

Posted 11:36pm Thursday 12th April 2018

Hi Critic, in light of the recent light shined on the Sexy Garfield piece, I think it's time to come clean. Last year my friends and I nabbed 140 Critics from around Uni and covered my friend’s (now flatmate’s) room with them. He was out at football, and came back to a sexy pink Read more...

Animal Research Lab Discovers Stab Wounds Are Deadly for Many Marine Animals

Posted 11:23pm Thursday 12th April 2018

University of Otago zoology researchers have reported groundbreaking findings with the help of the new Animal Research Lab. According to a study by professor John Radlow, many marine animals, including salmon, trout, squid, and penguins, were found to be highly susceptible to injury and/or death Read more...