Student Gazes Into The Abyss After Being Asked to “Discuss With the Person Sitting Next to You”

Posted 7:29pm Saturday 5th May 2018

It was an ordinary day for Rebecca Milnes. She was sitting in her lecture, floating in and out of sleep, contemplating nothing more than which riceball shop to go to for lunch and whether or not the stranger in front of her has nits. Bliss. Then it all went to shit. “Turn to the person sitting Read more...

Uni To Open 24/7 Bars In All Student Accommodation

Posted 7:28pm Saturday 5th May 2018

In an attempt to prevent students from loitering on the streets at night, Vice-Chancellor Harlene Hayne has announced she will personally install 24/7 bars in all residential colleges, except St Marg’s and Carrington because they are massive nerds. Hayne claimed this move will ensure students Read more...

Local Graphic Designer Pays Rent With Exposure Earned From Latest Job

Posted 7:28pm Saturday 5th May 2018

Dunedin graphic designer Charlotte Troyer is absolutely stoked to be paying her first rent check with all that exposure she earned by providing hours of artwork to a new business. “Yeah, it’s great,” Charlotte told reporters. “The company I did the artwork for said that Read more...

The Post-Fact World | Issue 10

Posted 6:58pm Saturday 5th May 2018

The nose is the labrador of the face If you shout loud enough, you can hear your own voice Chalk is grown on the spiky, desert dwelling, chalk plant. This is why it is crumbly, like a desert Apple crumble is also grown in the depths of the desert, that is why it is crumbly like a Read more...

The Critic Guide to the Shit Towns of Otago

Posted 6:56pm Saturday 5th May 2018

Roxburgh Has singing toilets, which are an extremely common thing in most reasonably-sized cities, but for some reason are considered a tourist attraction here. The Wikipedia page lists it as “one of the country's most important apple growing regions,” which is the only time Read more...

Critic Blind Date | Vanessa and Barry B. Benson

Posted 4:22pm Saturday 5th May 2018

The hopeful lovers on the Critic Blind Date are provided with a meal and a bar tab, thanks to the Dog With Two Tails. If you’re looking for love and want to give the Blind Date a go, email critic@critic.co.nz     Vanessa I was walking back to my car after work Read more...

The Post-Fact World | Issue 09

Posted 2:38am Monday 30th April 2018

Antiherstamines are antihistamines for women Hersterectomies are hysterectomies for women His-t-erect-omies are hysterectomies for men Despite their reputation, cows are actually land mammals - they only go out to sea to die If you are making a cake and you don’t have enough eggs, Read more...

Critic Blind Date | Bonnie and Clyde

Posted 6:48pm Sunday 29th April 2018

The hopeful lovers on the Critic Blind Date are provided with a meal and a bar tab, thanks to the Dog With Two Tails. If you’re looking for love and want to give the Blind Date a go, email critic@critic.co.nz     Bonnie My night started off with me drinking scrumpy Read more...

Clarke Gayford to Step Down from Spending Time with Family to Spend More Time with Family

Posted 5:46pm Thursday 26th April 2018

Following explosive reports from the NZ Herald that he was “cringey,” and “had an e at the end of his name,” Clarke Gayford has stepped down from his unelected, unpaid public role. “I can’t continue in my position as a ‘guy who likes fishing and banging Read more...

David Seymour Says He “Enjoys Dancing and Other Normal Human Activities”

Posted 5:45pm Thursday 26th April 2018

ACT Party Leader and Entire ACT Party, David Seymour, says he is looking forward to his appearance on Dancing with the Stars. “It will bring me much joy to make movements with my limbs and body to music. Most humans enjoy this and I do also.” The popular TV dancing show was largely Read more...