The Post-Fact World | Issue 07

Fiction is stranger than fact

Raisins are dehydrated mouse brains

Mouse brains are dehydrated mouse brains

Human brains are hydrated pineapples

Steve Buscemi is the slowly decaying corpse of Adam Sandler’s original body

Green pens are better for the environment

Octopus ink is octopus stink

Jesus is the exclusive intellectual property of Starbucks. That’s why he’s on their cups.

Critic was named after the insect

Microphones have to listen to you even if you’re boring

I can’t be racist, some of my best friends are dolphins

Most of the time a bird’s total wingspan is actually shorter than the length of both their wings stacked on top of each other

Stephen Hawking was the first person to put wheels on a chair

1 is not the loneliest number. 18 is the loneliest, because all your friends moved away and went to different Unis.

In Holland, if you step on your step-brother they are legally required to say “step”. Step sisters don’t have to do anything, but they can say “step” if they want

In Holland, personal jinx is enforced by law

In Holland, they hate it when you call it Holland

This article first appeared in Issue 7, 2018.
Posted 10:53pm Thursday 12th April 2018 by Critic.