Get Out Of The Ghetto | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Phoebe Harrop

You don’t need me to tell you that New Zealand is beautiful. Everyone from Prince Charles to Bear Grylls can tell you as much. But just because you grew up here and you occasionally holiday in the Coromandel doesn’t mean you’ve truly appreciated New Zealand’s crazy-good nature bits. So, during your Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Jess Cole

As any keen cunthunter in Monkey can attest, getting it in two holes is indeed fortunate. Later, the ODT celebrated the cultural submergence of some singing students, despite the fact that a visit to the Chinese Gardens prepares you for Beijing like NCEA prepares you for the real Read more...

Love Online | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Lovebirds

Critic created a female internet dating profile expecting a low standard of suavity. But not even we could be prepared for the barrage of sheer ineptitude that followed, each new suitor representing a new nadir in the evolution of mankind. This column is a word-for-word transcript of an Read more...

The Little Foetus in the Pink Cap

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Anonymous

Earlier this year, a series of photos were posted on Reddit showing a woman holding a stillborn male foetus in her arms. The foetus was dressed in a pink knitted cap. This is his story. (See the foetus at critic.co.nz/NSFWfoetus – if you dare.) Once upon a time in the small hamlet of Gore Read more...

Three fables of Dunedin's forgotten flatters

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Callum Fredric

Over the years, Dunedin has been home to hundreds of thousands of students from across the globe. Earlier this year, a friend discovered a basement full of historic letters and books that, taken together, paint a picture of the lives of some of Dunedin’s previous inhabitants. Armed with some Read more...

Evidence of a Mid-life Crisis

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Loulou Callister-Baker

Loulou Callister-Baker’s flatmate discovered some mysterious boxes in the attic, full of the possessions of a man who clearly experienced a textbook midlife crisis. Impressed by his adherence to Mills & Boon-level stereotypes, she tells the story of the man’s life. Sometime last month, I walked Read more...

Failient | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Callum Fredric

1) Salient’s sixth issue was on the theme of “Communication”. So when they devoted two full pages to an interview with a guy who gave a masterclass in how to use lot of words to say absolutely nothing, maybe it was an attempt at irony. Sample answer: “If you recognise the sacredness of every Read more...

The Leek | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Campbell Ecklein

Across the nation this week, supermarkets, grocery stores, dairies, and even the more extensively stocked gas stations have experienced a crippling shortage of eggs. Finding repeatedly that their egg orders were not being filled, some stockists became simultaneously incensed and curious, and Read more...

Proctology | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Zane Pocock

Despite everyone leaving town for the Easter Break, the Proctor isn’t short on stories. We start this week with a young man who “for some unknown reason grabbed the top of his table, went to the top of Clyde Street, and let ‘er go down the street.” Fortunately, “it veered off the road and into the Read more...

Editorial | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Callum Fredric

Dunedin exists on a different plane from the rest of the world. It’s a magical place, where money appears in your bank account every Tuesday, you can sleep until midday every day of the week, and there are very few consequences for anything you do. No other town has the same sense of charm Read more...