What MicroGenre Are You?

What MicroGenre Are You?

1 - What Radio station do you most identify with?

a.              I’m more of a podcast person

b.             ZM or The Edge

c.               Life FM

d.              Radio One

e.              Pirate Radio

f.               What’s a radio?


2 - How would you describe your morning routine? 

a.              Bong rip, shoes, coffee, dip

b.             Bible study

c.               Put on my 16 layers of undergarments 

d.              Make some eggs and pour a bunch of hot sauce on them

e.              It’s on my YouTube channel x

f.               I have not seen a morning since last month


3 - If you were a plant, what kind of fertilizer would you want?

a.              Good ol’ fashioned horse manure

b.             Some organic seaweed plant tonic bullshit

c.               Daddy’s spit

d.              Coffee grounds

e.              Blood n bones 

f.               Good vibes and compliments


4 - What was/is your major in first-year?

a.              Arts

b.             Law

c.               Health Sciences

d.              Sciences

e.              I’m a double major

f.               I can’t remember


5 - How do you get rid of that smell in your room?

a.              Open a window

b.             Just leave it

c.               Which one?

d.              Scented candles

e.              Baking soda and vinegar

f.               Break up with them


6 - What kinda hat would you wear to a wedding?

a.              Four-lugged shovgor

b.             Beanie

c.               Santa hat

d.              Beret

e.              Top hat

f.               Fedora


7 - Most underrated drunk activity?

a.              Board games

b.             Going for a walk

c.               Calling an ex

d.              Wii bowling

e.              Doing your assignments

f.               Drinking more


8 - How do you stay warm through the Dunedin winter?

a.              Alcohol blanket

b.             Space heater

c.               Wearing socks to bed

d.              Lots of blankets

e.              Oodie

f.               Body heat ;)


Mostly (a): Shitgaze

You play bands like Times New Viking and Psychedelic Horseshit at parties and act disappointed when your flatmate takes the aux away. This is the stuff for when you’re dissociating in your room at 2pm, not for when there are other people around. You’re constantly looking for the Ramona to your Scott Pilgrim. Please stop trying to be a Michael Cera character, and start trying to be Michael Cera.


Mostly (b): [insert song] but you're in the bathroom at a party

 “Sweater Weather but you’re in the bathroom at a party” came up in your recommended videos and ever since, you’ve been queueing them up. If this is your favourite microgenre you also recognise songs from Tiktok dances and are going to grow up and fall in love with a “Space Cadet (slowed + reverb)” YouTube remix kinda person. If you haven’t already you should look up “daddy issues x do i wanna know - slowed” because you’d probably eat that shit right up. 


Mostly (c): White dude with an acoustic guitar

People hide their guitars when you’re coming to the party. You ruined Mr. Brightside. But that was the old you. The new you has matured and can play Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life) and Stairway to Heaven. Maybe you’ve even memorised the lyrics to American Pie. But please keep practising in your room. And if you got this category and you’re not a white dude with an acoustic guitar, I’m sorry too. Maybe rethink your life choices or something.


Mostly (d): Poetry-jazzrap

You like your music groovy, artsy, and political, and artists like Noname, Arlo Parks, Rejjie Snow, and Loyle Carner are all in your playlists. You like to think you have good taste in music even though you have no musical talent. You are constantly debating whether or not to buy a record player. You study outside of the arts and get imposter syndrome whenever you embark on a creative project. Don’t let anything stop you though, you fucking got this.


Mostly (e) - Kawaii Metal

At first you listened to the J-pop death-metal hybrid as a joke, but at a certain point it wasn’t a joke anymore and you accepted that kawaii metal was legitimately badass. You’re the friendliest, flirtiest, and most popular person in your friend group, but you’re also the one everyone is terrified of. Not content with having friends, you need fans. You have a vlog, or a Tiktok, or an Instagram with a much higher than average following. You’re killing it in everything you do, but at what cost? Do you actually enjoy it? Take a day off, your simps can wait.


Mostly (f) - Liquid Drum and Bass

You stumbled on a microgenre of DnB that is somehow relaxing, which is pretty cool, and studying to liquid DnB does feel pretty sick, but that doesn’t give you an excuse to not listen to any other genre of music other than DnB. Once you eventually leave Dunedin, you’re going to want to be able to talk to people about actual music. Or maybe you don’t, and honestly fair enough. If listening to DnB in the library as well as on the rark really does it for you then who am I to stop you?

This article first appeared in Issue 9, 2021.
Posted 7:43pm Sunday 2nd May 2021 by Sophia Carter Peters and Elliot Weir.