Fuck, I Canít Cook!

Fuck, I Canít Cook!

This recipe for Pad Thai hits my craving for noodles when I simply don’t have the means to spend on my dearest, Thai Hanoi. I shamelessly use Wattie’s Pad Thai sauce because I am poor and lazy and the sauce is delicious.

Serves 3

250g rice noodles

2 eggs

1 onion

4 spring onions finely sliced.

4 cloves garlic (1 1/2 tbsp) peeled and finely minced.

300g chicken breast or thigh (boneless) finely sliced into bite sized pieces. Alternatively you can use a block of tofu, fry in a separate pan and stir through at the end

1 packet Watties Pad Thai sauce

1/2 cup roast peanuts

A large handful of mung beans

Lemon (optional)


1)     Place rice noodles in the bowl. Cover with boiling water, and let sit for 3 minutes, until the noodles become slightly soft. Drain, rinse under cold water and set aside.

2)     Prepare your spring onions by slicing the white part (closest to the base) and placing in a bowl. Then slice the remaining green part of the spring onion, and place in a separate bowl.

3)     In a hot pan over high heat, scramble your eggs, and break up with a spoon or chop with a knife. Remove from pan and set aside.

4)     In the same pan, stir fry onion, the white part of the spring onions and garlic until slightly softened. Add chicken and stir fry until the chicken is almost cooked.

5)     Add the cold rice noodles and Watties Pad Thai sauce and stir fry for a couple of minutes. It will be ready when the noodles have cooked, and the chicken has cooked. This is best tested by trying a noodle and cutting a piece of chicken to make sure it is white in the middle.

6)     Take off the heat. Stir through most of the mungbeans and the spring onions.

7)     Sprinkle over the rest of the mungbeans and peanuts. Squeeze over lemon if you like.


Ranking the cabinet food of Dunedin:

No 7. Balmac: 4.5/5: The hike is worth it. Fantastic range of sweet and savoury options (I love their pesto muffin), reasonably priced, great atmosphere, pretty much flawless.

Nova: 4/5: Seriously underrated. Their menu food criminally expensive, but they sell a reasonably priced orange almond cake from the cabinet that is divine.

Buster Greens: 4/5: Too healthy for my liking at times, but I’ve got to say their slices are thicc and fantastic.

All Press: 3.5/5: Not enough variety, but what they have is phenomenal. Best cheese scones in Dunedin.

Kind Company: 3.5/5. I find them to be a hit or lacklustre miss. Their savoury cabinet food is phenomenal - good portion size, reasonably priced, and utterly delicious. Their scrolls in particular are divine. But more often than not I am disappointed by the sweet options.

Fluid: 2/5: Everything looks fantastic, but is often lacklustre in flavour.

Albany Café: 1/5: I really am gutted by the quality of food available on campus. Can we do something about this?


This article first appeared in Issue 3, 2021.
Posted 2:23pm Sunday 14th March 2021 by Alice Taylor.