This one is specifically for the 26.1% of the 2026 Critic Census respondents who, when asked if they’d participated in a red card in the last year, responded “What’s a red card?”
Disgusting.
The red card is a cornerstone of the mythical institution that is Ōtepoti student culture, and it will not die on Critic Te Ārohi’s watch. Whether you’re new to Dunedin, stuck for ideas, or genuinely just don’t know what a red card is, I’m here to ensure the proud tradition of lovingly tormenting your mates in the name of bonding lives on.
What The Fuck Is A Red Card?
In short: whatever you want it to be. That’s the point.
Most red cards are themed, competitive, and involve drinking to some degree, but there are no real rules. Contrary to popular opinion, Critic isn’t here to encourage forcing your friends into reckless binge drinking, and calling it “a bit of fun.” We aren’t here to condone initiations. However, we are here to remind you that, for one glorious evening (or whole day), you can wield absolute dictator-level power over your friends and flatmates. Who hasn’t dreamed of that?
Every person can pull one red card a year, at which attendance is compulsory for all those invited. If someone you’ve invited doesn’t come, this waives their right to have you attend theirs. Have some consideration, and cut a bit of slack for your flatmates with exams, assignments or work. Other than that, any time is a good time to pull your red card: a dusty Sunday morning, Saturday pres, a slow Tuesday. Literally whenever you want.
The person who pulled their red card sets the rules of the evening, and everyone has to follow them – no ‘ifs’ or ‘buts’. You’re in charge of what people wear, where they go, what they have to do, what they have to eat, and, most importantly, how embarrassed they’ll get.
It’s also widely agreed that if you’ve already pulled a red card and you want to pull another one, you must drink a whole box in a shared space, like your lounge, without anyone noticing. You must then present some kind of proof of this feat. And no – chunnying alone with no one to hold your hair back doesn’t count. That’s a substance use disorder.
Need Inspo?
Now, to the 45.5% of Critic Census respondents who said they knew what a red card was and just hadn’t participated in one: you also disgust me. What are you waiting for?
If it’s just because you can’t be fucked, have some damn fun. If it’s because you’re ‘too busy’, I know people who work five jobs and still have time for red cards. I know people who do six papers in a semester and still have time for red cards. But, if it’s because you have no ideas, I’m here for you.
Themes
One of the biggest perks of living in Dunedin is how you can walk down the street in the stupidest costume imaginable and people actually just don’t give a fuck. Worst case scenario is a light honking from a middle aged man. Utilise this.
For choosing costumes, I suggest theming your red card and making some teams to get the competition going. Again, this can be anything. Explore your furry side and make everyone dress as animals. Pretend it's an Olympic year and assign everyone a country, then make beer pong a twisted game of shot put. Make everyone dress as their least favourite politician and hold an election, or handcuff people together for some IRL Love Island. The world is your oyster, and the options are literally endless.
What I would suggest (and this applies for activities too) is to put like with like. If half your friends are rugby players, they shouldn’t be drinking at the same rate as your 4’6” mate, or the 7’2” one who skipped breakfast this morning. You can scale the fun for everyone – people can’t participate if they’ve fucked out.
Your theme can then tie into your main event(s). This can be whatever activities you want, for as long as you want. The only limit is your imagination, and perhaps your tenancy agreement. And definitely the law.
Activities
Now for activities! There are plenty of classics.
Lock-ins are my personal favorite. These work by making everyone finish a quantity of their drinks before they can leave a space – my preferred location is the shower. Traffic lights are another goodie: everyone buys red, orange, or green Cruisers, and piles them within a circle. Pull a bevvy and drink it according to road rules. If it’s green, go go go (finish it). Orange means three sips, and red means sip it. It is both a fun drinking game and a reinforcer of the road rules. This is not an endorsement to drink and drive, because that is fucking stupid.
You could also choose to do the devious Scrumpy hands. Get a bottle or two of a deliciously large plastic bottle of cider and tape it to your hands. This is a good way to get some liquids down in a rush because you don't want the heat from your hands making your drink warm. Holding a Centurion is also a fun way to get a traditional game done in just an hour and 40 minutes. All you need to do is sit down with your friends, and finish 100 shots of a drink in 100 minutes. Use RTDs for this, please.
Try taping a goon bag to your washing line and making teams try to down it as fast as possible (no hands). Alternatively, wizard sticks is a game where you try to build a staff out of drink cans, taping full ones onto empties to build a staff. I like that one – try finishing a drink when it’s 6 cans long. Themed scavenger hunts are always fun, or an egg and spoon race from flat to flat. Try a pub crawl where everyone has to dress like a different lecturer from their course. Make your friends perform karaoke in increasingly humiliating costumes. I stopped asking people around me for ideas when someone suggested line roulette. Critic does not condone drug use. They were meaning a different kind of line.
You can also give everyone a set of challenges and make them compete to complete them all. I’ve heard stories of a stick of butter being demolished alongside a box, but that might have to be a tub of buttery spread instead with the cost of living right now. Another fun option is to host a wine and cheese night, where teams contribute a bottle of wine each into a bucket that must be finished alongside a block of cheese.
Punishments
Perhaps the best part of a red card is punishments. If one of your participants misbehaves, loses a challenge, arrives late, or just pisses you off – you have the right to devise some special punishment.
Ban them from their phones. Make them wear something humiliating. Force them to perform a dramatic reading of their most recent diary entry. Pour a beverage into a bong, smoke a cone and then drink the drink. Line them up and make them take shots of fish sauce.
The power is yours.
Final Words
Overall, remember to be kind and reasonable. Take this blessed opportunity to boss around your friends, but don’t be stupid. Nobody wants their red card to become a genuine emergency.
Have fun, be ridiculous, and keep the sacred tradition alive.
@criticmag on snap – send us some pics of your work.
