Seven Sins
Pride
Pride is the over-inflated sense of superiority. The prideful flat is one that considers themselves above the simple tasks that hold flats and the shared Otago experience together. But such pride is, as always, a curse. Pride is selling tickets to a flat party. Pride is labelling yourself as the only ‘clean’ flatmate. Pride is unconscious. It is telling yourself that you don’t need to clean because you didn’t make the mess. You never make the mess. You are too good to be living in this flat, because your parents, indeed, pay your rent.
Greed
Greed may be the worst sin of them all. Ever have a flatmate that makes you pay a greater share of the power because you admitted to using your electric blanket, or perhaps even worse, a personal heater? That is greed. Greed is taking up all of the flat’s freezer space. Greed is claiming the room that gets the most sun. Those who are the most greedy also fail to realise they are greedy at all. Greed brings on a blindness that causes people to mistake wants for needs.
Lust
The lustful flatmate manages to make everything about themselves. Lust is the basis of all desire, and desire is all about being an attention whore. Make a joke? They repeat it louder. Make dinner? They say they can make it better. Tell a story? They make something up and post it on UoO: Meaningful Confessions.
Gluttony
Gluttony is overindulgence to the point of negligence. Gluttony is inviting people over for kick-ons every time you go out. It is hosting a party when your flatmate has an assignment due. Going out is fun, we know, but gluttony is treating every week like O-Week, taking it too far, and for all intents and purposes being an asshole. Gluttony is constantly being the liability.
Envy
Envy is the greed for what someone else possesses. The winners express greed, the losers express envy. The envious flatmate is the one who got the gimp room. The one who gets Pam’s bread when you get Vogel’s. Envy is always drawing the short straw and making sure that everybody else knows about it.
Sloth
Sloth may be the most common sin of them all. Slothful flatmates are the ones who consistently fail to perform the difficult, but necessary tasks of flatting, like leaving the house on a weekday. Activities that can be labelled as sloth include but are not limited to: getting the flat banned from all food delivery services with a new ‘Fruber hack’; not changing their sheets for five months because “fuck it we ball”; consistently buying Dominos value range pizzas for flat meals; leaving dishes to soak; wearing jorts; overusing the term ‘ceebs’; and not related to sloth, but equally hated, unironically watching Nelk in 2025.
Wrath
Wrath is the passive aggressive messages in the flat chat. It's flipping your shit, just because there are some crumbs on the bench. Wrath is using door slamming as a tool of communication to let everyone know you're pissed about something. The final and darkest sight of a wrathful flatmate is the rage-clean. When one day it goes from the silent treatment to a sparkling clean flat and pushing all previously had beef under the metaphorical rug.
Seven Heavenly Virtues
Humility
No one is ever going to be the best flatmate ever. But to be a good flattie, you have to be willing and able to accept your wrongdoings. Maybe you did leave your dirty dishes on the edge of the sink for too long, but it’s not okay to do it every week and blame your busy schedule. Let's be real, everyone is busy. Humility is the most important overarching virtue of flatting.
Charity
Have you ever bought a bag of carrots and finished it? No. If you have something that will go to waste, offer it to the flatties. If you see that the carpet is gross and you have some spare time, vacuum it. If you are low on toilet paper, go buy it. For a flat to run well, there have to be some sacrifices, and sometimes a charitable flatmate is the best kind of flatmate.
Chastity
Okay so not in a super abstinence way, but you want your flatmates to think that you are as virginal as a nun. Sure, you can tell them about your sexual escapades afterwards but they really shouldn't be subject to hearing you trying out reverse cowgirl. So, if you are going to fuck, please for the love of all that is holy, be quiet.
Gratitude
Stay grateful, because one day you will need to use your flatmate's emergency roll of toilet paper, their bottle opener, or their emotional support when you inevitably forget about most of your 1% tutorial tasks. Gratitude is saying thank you when they do the dishes, even if it was their night. Gratitude is recognising you all live in a shit box flat together, and the only thing holding it together is goodwill and your appreciation for each other.
Temperance
Temperance is about moderation. If you dabble in drugs or alcohol, you should take care and caution on how it will make you feel or react. Sure it’s fine to fuck out every once in a while, but don’t be the liability every single weekend. If you aren't into substances, remember that everything is good in moderation. Whether that is being a cunt or being ignorant, or just being annoying. Try it out in moderation.
Patience
Patience is hearing about your flatmate’s Pint Night situationship for the 6th time this week and not blowing a gasket at them. Patience is waiting the three months it takes for your flatmate to realise they haven't bought any rubbish bags but they sure have been using them. Patience is realising sometimes people are a little shit, because you probably are too.
Diligence
Diligence is remembering the little things. Whether it is bin day, checking the oven is off, or paying your rent on time – even when you are too broke to afford $4 lunch. Diligence is the thing that shows your flatmates that you care about the upkeep of not only your home, but your friendship with them. The diligent flatmate is the unsung hero of flatting.