Love Is Blind | Issue 7

Love Is Blind | Issue 7

Critic’s infamous blind date column brings you weekly shutdowns, hilariously mismatched pairs, and the occasional hookup. Each week, we lure two singletons to Di Lusso, ply them with food and alcohol, then wait for their reports to arrive in our inbox.

If this sounds like you, email But be warned – if you dine on the free food and dash without sending us a writeup, a Critic writer will write one under your name.
And that won’t end well for you.


Nick is a third year Hyde resident. And he stood her up. This is what happens when we send a boy to do a man’s job.

First of all my apologies, to the lovely young lass I did not meet and dine with. It is you who have I let down the most. You took a risk in going to Di Lusso on that fateful night, I however did not have the same level of courage. I hope you enjoyed the tab put on by the Critic, for you deserved it more than I. If by chance we ever cross paths I will try to make up for it with my sub-par chat.

I would also like to extend my apologies to those involved in organising the blind date. I understand you did a lot of work for no reward and I have let you down. I am disappointed in myself for letting my standards slip and bringing into question your reputation and credibility. For this I am truly remorseful.

And lastly to you, the reader. I would like to apologise for wasting the last two minutes of your life reading an apology from a man, nay a boy, who did not take the opportunity many others can only dream of.

Peace out.


Tinder wasn’t working out well for her. Apparently the Blind Date wasn’t the way to go either. Good luck with your cats.

I t’s my third year at uni and I decided it was time to jump the gun and find love. Tinder wasn’t working out very well and I knew I only had one other option; the Critic blind date.

Thursday came along and my nerves grew with every minute that drew me closer to 7:30pm … Who was the mystery man and will he be my prince charming?

After downing a bottle of $7.99 Pinot Noir I ventured out to Di Lusso, only to find my friends sitting at a table ready to scope out my man. He wasn’t there yet so I ordered a drink on the bar tab and waited. For an hour.

I shared the bar tab with my friends and had the most amazing meat platter. I think the staff took pity on me, drowning my sorrows with a number of special shots – so thank you for treating me like a princess!

After a couple of hours I was completely trolleyed and realised my date wasn’t going to come, so I started my journey home. On the way, four Carrington freshers who I had never met decided to take me in to town and make me party with them. It escalated very quickly and I found myself getting extremely high behind some building.

As a third year I learnt what it was like to be young again, so a shout out to the four of you for turning my night around and showing me a good time!

So my date didn’t show up but I woke up safe and sound in my bed the next morning, not remembering how I got there. My flat mates weren’t too impressed because drunk me decided to try and cook eggs when I got home and the kitchen was covered in raw goo… A good night but no love in sight: I guess I will have to wait for my Prince Charming to sweep me off my feet another day.
This article first appeared in Issue 7, 2015.
Posted 2:51pm Sunday 12th April 2015 by Lovebirds.