Columns

Every man has his limits. After half an hour of announcements about people being appointed to committees, Critic, much like any trauma survivor, retreated into a fantasy world. And that’s when someone cracked an inappropriate joke about the early retirement of Ding Ding that had the entire exec laughing uproariously. What was that joke? We will never know. The exec were all extremely relieved that the comment had escaped, unheard by the media, and refused to repeat it.

At this stage of the meeting, Critic’s notepad was as blank as the social calendar of a dedicated HealthSci student. And then the conversation turned to pornography. Porn sites (and plenty of other sites) have been blocked by the University, and President Logan says there “hasn’t been enough master debating” on this issue. The exec held a serious discussion about the ban, regarding it as an attack on freedom of choice, and everyone except Education Officer Aaspreet Boparai voted to oppose it. Critic has recorded a cross-section of opinions from the vigorous discussion:

Logan – “I fucking love a maz.” Victoria (Postgrad Rep) – “I would know, I’m always on those sites”. Juana (Colleges Officer) – “Everyone should masturbate, it’s healthy. Good for prostate cancer.” Logan “It’s a wanky issue, let’s be honest.” Ryan (Finance Officer) – “There are people who have specific needs”. Aaspreet (supporting the ban) – “Pornography can interfere with your relationships, how you view women, you can get addicted.” Logan – “You have people who can’t go and pull, just cos you can’t pick up a sheila doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have a release”.

Talking of the people who fought to defend our freedom to visit non-Aryan porn sites, ANZAC day is coming up, and OUSA is getting all patriotic. They’re getting involved with the Uni’s ANZAC day event. According to Logan, this was suggested a few years back, but “flower power” students blocked the idea. There will be bagpipes, as well as cannons (hopefully to shoot at the people playing the bagpipes). There will also be a mass haka, and Logan says “some old salty war dog will give a big yarn about Vietnam”. It’s all going down outside the clock tower, folks.

In accounting news, Deloitte has pointed out the huge costs to OUSA of providing for the rowing club and the squash club. Logan wants them to become more “sustainable”, and is going to give them the hard word about “where OUSA wants to take” the relationship in future. Ominous.

The execies have handed in their quarterly reports, and Critic waded through them so you don’t have to. Not that you would anyway. Here’s what they’ve been up to:

Ryan Edgar (Finance Officer): Ryan was (pre by-election) the backup President when his brother was away, and so has had a small taste of the nectar of true power. He has been assessing OUSA’s budget in light of the lucrative Service Level Agreement with the Uni. Ryan is setting up a “Scarfie Committee” with a representative from each of the main student streets. This group will presumably be the nemesis of another committee Ryan is involved with, which “looks to target areas of dangerous student drinking”. He also set up the Executive Lounge on the ground floor of the OUSA office.

Francisco Hernandez (Welfare Officer): Exec stalwart Fran ran the petition against the liquor ban, which attracted 4,000 signatures. His Welfare Committee (which is a merger of all the former minority positions such as Women’s Rep) is not yet functional, but he’s hoping to get it sorted soon. He also intends to bring in $3 breakfasts and $3 dinners for the cheapskates among us. And he wants to set up an OUSA Flatbook with data about flats and landlords, provided by students.

Aaspreet Boparai (Education Officer): Aaspreet has just about got the Education Committee up and running. That’s about all there is to report.

Blake Luff (Recreation Officer): Blake is organising the 24-hour exercycle spinathon to fundraise for the neurosurgery appeal. Other than that, he’s been doing “general exec duties”.

Victoria Koszowski (Postgrad Rep): Victoria has kicked off the year by promoting the Postgrad Society, which is a combination of a Committee and a social club, and presumably a place where 7th-years are looked upon with the same disdain most of us hold for freshers.