Archive

Horoscopes: Week 16

Posted 4:54pm Monday 24th July 2023 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 As the semester kicks off, it appears there is some romance waiting in the wings for you. Don’t let your commitment issues or dark humour scare this potential lover off; try and be remotely normal for once.  Self care Sunday moment: Rotting with a Read more...

Local Produce: ​​Paradox Princess

Posted 4:52pm Monday 24th July 2023 by Jamiema Lorimer

“Quite like Barbara but don’t fuck with cops, I’m coming to Shorty in a crop top,” Paradox Princess spits on her track ‘Utopia For Sale.’ Critic Te Ārohi caught up with Paradox Princess to talk about her upcoming album ‘Creating A Time Read more...

Booze review: GIN

Posted 4:48pm Monday 24th July 2023 by Albert Einsteinlager

Gin is medicine; it’s true. I was prescribed it, along with heroin, by my 19th century doctor. He says, “It takes the edge off of Mondays.” I miss the days when you could be prescribed alcohol by a doctor. You know you’re a special case when your doctor says, “Jesus, Read more...

Chargrills: Mexi Bowls but fod-friendly

Posted 4:46pm Monday 24th July 2023 by Charly Burnett @chargrillss

It’s still cold again. You know where it’s still NOT cold? Mexico. Let’s pretend we’re there again. But this time we have a sensitive tummy. Sand between toes, Trump caps everywhere. The sound of breaking waves but no rumbly, gassy tummy. Just hunger. Perfect. Read more...

Moaningful Confessions:

Posted 4:40pm Monday 24th July 2023 by Critic

The story about the most embarrassing sex of my life starts back when I was a first-year. I was working a part time job and, like all naive first-years, I hadn't learnt to not get involved with coworkers. The guy in question, we'll call him Sam, was a couple years older than me but Read more...

Moaningful Confessions:

Posted 4:40pm Monday 24th July 2023 by Critic

The story about the most embarrassing sex of my life starts back when I was a first-year. I was working a part time job and, like all naive first-years, I hadn't learnt to not get involved with coworkers. The guy in question, we'll call him Sam, was a couple years older than me but Read more...

Takeaways: Issue 16

Posted 4:39pm Monday 24th July 2023 by Critic

Watch   Day After Tomorrow & Happy Feet Combo   An icy double-header of forgotten classics. Happy Feet is one of the better movies from 2006 that you haven’t watched in ages, directed by George Miller between his Mad Max movies (meaning, canonically, Mumble and Read more...

Editorial: Bring Back Child Labour

Posted 4:29pm Monday 24th July 2023 by Fox Meyer

It’s the meme that started it all. And while we all laughed about it, we were too shy to admit that they were kinda right. That’s why, heading into election season, I am once again challenging any of the major parties to announce their plan to bring back child labour. Hear me Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 15

Posted 10:09pm Tuesday 18th July 2023 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Aquarius, it’s time for you to normalize insanity. Flatmates pissing you off? Scream at them and eat their cheese. Situationship going downhill? Fuck someone else. Life is too short to not be your best, unhinged self.  Way to get warm: Read more...

Editorial: Dude, Where’s my Castle Host?

Posted 10:05pm Tuesday 18th July 2023 by Fox Meyer

I’ve heard talk that Castle hasn't had an open host since O-Week. What’s up with that? Ya scared?   If you live on Castle, you have a communal responsibility to throw open hosts beyond the bare minimum dates of O- and Re-O-Weeks. That’s what Castle is known for, and Read more...

Booze review: RUM(S)

Posted 10:00pm Tuesday 18th July 2023 by Albert Einsteinlager

Rum is the blindfold that humanity gladly adorns when things get messy.  A tipple of rum to the war-torn soldier leavens the load of indefinite suffering, and the base aromat of orange and vanilla is as familiar to fruit the sailor will get. The legacy of rum is often a swansong to the Read more...

Chargrills: Mexi-Bowls

Posted 9:54pm Tuesday 18th July 2023 by Charly Burnett @chargrillss

It’s cold. You know where it’s not cold? Mexico. Let’s pretend we’re there. Close your eyes for a moment. Imagine the feeling of sand between your toes. Imagine the background noises of the United States attempting to overthrow yet another Southern democracy. Perfect. Read more...

Local Produce: Soul Chai

Posted 9:51pm Tuesday 18th July 2023 by Jamiema Lorimer

While you’re retiring from kick-ons in the early hours of Saturday, Daniel Fitzpatrick is up and brewing the perfect cure to nurse your hangover and winter blues. Critic Te Ārohi caught up with Daniel to spill the tea on his farmers market venture, Soul Chai.   As Soul Chai, Read more...

Moaningful Confessions: She Pea on my Nut till I Butter

Posted 9:47pm Tuesday 18th July 2023 by Critic

Hope you don’t have a peanut allergy because this one is about to get saucy. So it’s about a year ago, maybe two, and I’m in a UniFlat. We’re doing flat dinners so everyone cooks once a week. And there was an international girl who was living with us who I was really into, Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 14

Posted 1:33pm Sunday 9th July 2023 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Take a trip to Veggie Boys this week. Grocery prices are fucked, and you will probably need some nutrients after re-o. Leeks are good this time of year.  Re-O Activity: Take shrooms and have a spiritual awakening.  Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Winter Read more...

Chargrills: RE-O RECTIFIER: Beef Edition

Posted 1:30pm Sunday 9th July 2023 by Charly Burnett @chargrillss

And we're back with a simple DINNAAAAAA. We're talking beef and vegetables, or you can use fake meat or tofu to keep it vegan. All with some sachet sauce. Tuck into this for a Re-O rectifier that won’t break the bank.    Ingredients   Drizzle of oil (fun Read more...

Local Produce: 3D Printed Nipples

Posted 1:26pm Sunday 9th July 2023 by Hayley Stent

Research Associate Professor Jaydee Cabral is an Otago researcher and lecturer who is taking 3D printing to a whole new level. Her lab is going to be printing nipples. Yes: printing nipples with a 3D printer.  Of all things to 3D print, why nipples? Jaydee has a good reason. She is going to Read more...

Moaningful Confessions: Long as Fuck, And Also Gross

Posted 1:21pm Sunday 9th July 2023 by Critic

It was 2018, I was recovering from my first heartbreak/trying to figure out how to stop fucking my ex every single time we felt like it, so naturally I downloaded Tinder - surely some fresh dique to be found there. I organised a date with this guy called Matt (was going to change his name but never Read more...

Editorial: The Uni Budget Collapse if it were a Deck

Posted 1:05pm Sunday 9th July 2023 by Fox Meyer

Let's say you live in a flat with an awesome, party-ready deck. It costs a bit to maintain, but that’s okay because it’s the right thing to do. People love coming over to party on the deck and it’s totally safe because your landlord pays the maintenance bill. It’s their Read more...

Booze Review: Your Uncle's Homebrew

Posted 1:03pm Sunday 9th July 2023 by Albert Einsteinlager

New Zealand’s unhealthy relationship with alcohol is built on the solid foundations of your uncle’s homebrew.    Whether the uncle in question is yours or a mate’s, the product is the same. You’ve likely had a shot of their 80% alc/vol moonshine which was Read more...