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The Critic Bachelor

Posted 9:51pm Thursday 2nd July 2020 by Caroline Moratti

Jack Manning Age: 22 (“and a half!”)  Occupation: OUSA President  Star sign: Sagittarius Degree: BSc in Computer Science, DipGrad in Marketing  Celebrity Crush: Gal Gadot His friends describe him as: Kind, a little bit introverted, and humble. Last STI Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Unfucking my Brain: One Month Without Porn

Posted 9:32pm Thursday 2nd July 2020 by Critic

Porn has undeniably screwed with my brain. There is no questioning that. It has changed how I think about and approach sex. It continues to burn holes through my dopamine receptors. It’s changed how I think about both women and men. I’m in my twenties, and looking at how I consume porn Read more...

Critic Booze Reviews | Speight's

Posted 12:28am Friday 22nd May 2020 by F. Thot Fizzgerald

Speight's in a can, Speight's in a bottle, and Speight's on tap are all vastly different drinking experiences. Although it may technically be the same beverage, I’m willing to bet my life that the material and/or spiritual energy of the vessel fucks with the taste. Here is Read more...

Vape Review | Strawberry Kiwifruit Aotearoa E-Juice

Posted 10:33pm Thursday 21st May 2020 by Critic

Who needs Covid-19 when you can get self-induced Bronchitis from vaping too much over quarantine? If you’re gonna inject your lungs with some nicotine, it might as well taste nice. That’s why the Strawberry Kiwifruit Aotearoa E-Juice results in a pleasant vaping experience. You Read more...

Bone Apple Teeth: Custard: Soup, but make it dessert.

Posted 10:29pm Thursday 21st May 2020 by Caroline Moratti

There are times in life when you don’t want to make a meal for yourself, but you also want to cook something. There are times when you want dinner, but actually, really, only want dessert. Custard is easy and gooey and somehow deeply nostalgic. Eat a whole pot of it and call it a Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Antonio and the Tonsils

Posted 10:27pm Thursday 21st May 2020 by Critic

So, our tale begins in the US, where I was staying with my parents over the summer holidays. During that time I had the perfectly rational horny thought to check out some American tinder boys. After some extensive swiping, I finally found someone half-decent. For the sake of this confession, Read more...

Horoscope | Issue 8

Posted 7:03pm Thursday 21st May 2020 by Critic

Aquarius  Jan 20 - Feb 18 This year is flying by and so are your opportunities to make long lasting friends that you don’t exploit.  Your song to stream this week: Privilege - The Weeknd   Pisces  Feb 19 - Mar 20 You get a glimpse of freedom and Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Issue 7

Posted 1:10am Friday 15th May 2020 by Critic

Alright lads, I’ve got a problem. I don’t know if it’s something developmental, or if it’s just that I’ve been shacked up for six weeks without a shag, but I’ve had more wet dreams during the lockdown than I’ve had in my entire life.  I’d be Read more...

Critic Booze Reviews | Rabbit Ranch Pinot Gris

Posted 11:53pm Thursday 14th May 2020 by Sinkpiss Plath

When esteemed Dunedin South (now Taieri) electorate member of parliament, Clare Curran, came to Critic for an intense debate, she brought wine along with her. She brought Rabbit Ranch, a fruity sav that tingles the throat with every sip. Nice attempt to intimidate us Clare, but we deal with Harlene Read more...

Horoscope | Issue 7

Posted 4:12pm Thursday 14th May 2020 by Critic

Aquarius  Jan 20 - Feb 18 While you lay in bed looking out the window, the moon will tell you that your next period will be extremely heavy as punishment for being you. The duration of your menstrual bleeding: Five days, but they will be hell.   Pisces  Feb 19 - Mar Read more...