Horoscopes: Issue 9 2025

Posted 9:36pm Sunday 27th April 2025 by Critic

Pisces You had as relaxing of a break as someone with three assignments due the first week back can have. Try not to take your lack of break out on those around you, they don't deserve to feel your wrath just because you're averaging five hours of sleep a night. Susty activity rec: Bike to Read more...

Horoscopes: Issue 8 2025

Posted 10:46pm Sunday 13th April 2025 by Critic

Pisces You have assignments due this week that you have forgotten about. Time to reread the course outline and fill in that calendar your aunt gave you for Christmas.  What flat archetype are you: Doesn't do dishes Libra Libra, this week you are going to be pushed to the edge. Your Read more...

Horoscopes: Issue 7 2025

Posted 6:29pm Sunday 6th April 2025 by Critic

Pisces Now is the time to start picking up a bit more responsibility. You have coasted along as a ‘teenager’ for long enough, your resume is looking a little light and applications for summer internships open soon. You as party food: Lamingtons Libra A little birdy told me that you Read more...

Horoscopes: Issue 6 2025

Posted 10:56pm Sunday 30th March 2025 by Critic

Pisces Don't eat that yogurt that has been sitting in your fridge since the start of uni. You have created a new kind of bacteria that will either make dicks double in length or kill someone. While fun and awesome, it's kind of gross.  Your joint to crack: Neck Libra Libra, Read more...

Horoscopes: Issue 5 2025

Posted 10:18pm Sunday 23rd March 2025 by Critic

Pisces This week's weather will be your downfall. Make sure that the first thing you do in the morning is check the MetService app – no one wants to be the person who gets caught in the rain in a t-shirt or forgets to put a top under their hoodie on what feels like the hottest day Read more...

Horoscopes: Issue 4 2025

Posted 5:30pm Sunday 16th March 2025 by Critic

Pisces It's time to revamp your Spotify playlists. You have been listening to the same 20 songs on repeat and are missing out on some really amazing new releases. New songs will also give you a new lease on life and as the sun disappears, lord knows you need something to keep you Read more...

Horoscopes: Issue 3 2025

Posted 11:08pm Sunday 9th March 2025 by Critic

Pisces Your delulu optimism will be the only thing keeping you going this week. The whole world will be trying to drag you down but thank GOD for your rose tinted glasses. Just keep your head up and live like that motto on your mum's tea towels: keep on keeping on.  Your Body Mod: Brow Read more...

Horoscopes: Issue 2 2025

Posted 6:46pm Sunday 2nd March 2025 by Critic

Aries Energies are high at the start of the week, with lots of aesthetic sunrises, Instagram stories, and study seshes. But that doesn't last long. When the burnout hits mid-Wednesday, remember that it's not even a month into uni and that try-hard shit can wait till after mid-sem Read more...

Horoscopes: Issue 1 2025

Posted 5:57pm Sunday 23rd February 2025 by Critic

Aquarius The new year's goals crumbled pretty early, but that doesn't mean you need to wait until next year to quit those naughty habits. Try giving up the vape, hitting the books and giving your vibrator a deep clean. Fav moment of Ori: Monday in U-Bar! Pisces It’s your season, Read more...

Horoscopes: Maramataka

Posted 4:35am Monday 16th September 2024 by Critic

For Te Wiki o Te Reo Māori from September 16th-22nd, Critic Te Ārohi’s orb reads the maramataka – a calendar highlighting the connection between the moon and our well-being. The energy levels are caused by the gravitational forces of Te Ra, Marama, and Whenua. Rāhina Read more...