Horoscopes: Issue 7 2026

Posted 3:51pm Saturday 11th April 2026 by The Orb

Taurus Your current employer is making you wanna quiet quit, or even just straight-up ghost them. Even though the job market is fucked, it can’t be worse than your current job. The next desk your resume lands on will be the right one. You deserve higher than minimum wage anyway. Your Read more...

Horoscopes: Issue 6 2026

Posted 12:12pm Sunday 29th March 2026 by The Orb

Pisces As you hear the Clock Tower strike twelve at Pint Night, you’ll rush to buy another shot. However, in your haste to get drunk, you will lose your three year old Converses. It’s not guaranteed your Prince Charming will find them, but maybe your next two-week situationship Read more...

Horoscopes: Issue 5 2026

Posted 12:04pm Sunday 22nd March 2026 by The Orb

Taurus Your inner child is running away from you. As you sit through your unnecessarily long lecture, you will wish you were still a kid who didn't have to put up with lectures and assignments. But enjoy the phase you're in right now, because you'll graduate eventually and forget all Read more...

Horoscopes: Issue 4 2026

Posted 7:40pm Saturday 14th March 2026 by The Orb

Pisces You're going to get ragebaited beyond belief this week. Seeing that your dealer has a 50-inch TV, while you had to sell your soul for the $50 note in your hand, will cause you to question if your degree is worth it. It's probably not, but you have started, so may as well Read more...

Horoscopes: Issue 3 2026

Posted 11:53am Sunday 8th March 2026 by The Orb

Scorpio Your lecturer keeps mumbling and refuses to wear their mic right, causing that all-too-familiar antsy feeling to creep back in. So this time, rather than changing your whole degree again, try going to UniPol and get that serotonin hit that makes you feel grounded. Your perfect crime: Read more...

Horoscopes: Issue 2 2026

Posted 2:39pm Sunday 1st March 2026 by The Orb

Pisces It's time to go for another round of groceries, because that fuzzy mush in the back of your fridge will not sustain you. Break open your piggy bank and have a cry in New World when you see how much eggs cost this week. If you were a drug you'd be: Ritalin Capricorn Your Read more...

Horoscopes: Issue 26 2025

Posted 2:05pm Monday 13th October 2025 by The Orb

Pisces You have been drinking way too much alcohol and having too much fun considering how close to the end of the semester we are. Time to take a break from staying up until 3am every night of the weekend and time to lock yourself in the library to get shit done. Your tattoo style: Read more...

Horoscopes Issue 25 2025

Posted 9:56pm Saturday 4th October 2025 by The Orb

Pisces Your daydreams have been full of love, art, and a future where you don't live in your shithole flat. It is awesome to have hopes and dreams, but remember that the bed you dream in needs its sheets changed at least every month. And lately that has not been the case. Task to tick off the Read more...

Horoscopes: Issue 24 2025

Posted 10:55pm Sunday 28th September 2025 by The Orb

Pisces This month you have felt like ‘a plastic bag, drifting through the wind’ and that is more than okay. Sometimes people just don't feel grounded, and that little voice in your head telling you “we live on a floating rock, nothing matters” really does not help. Your Read more...