Aries
You're gonna go to a pub quiz this week, and feel like an absolute genius when you get the most random question right. Watch out though, cause at the rate you're drinking, you're going to wake up with the fattest hangover in history on a Wednesday or something.
Your Monster energy flavour: White Monster
Taurus
When you hit the clubs this week, your friends will look to you as a responsible adult. Time to roll up your sleeves and reassuringly pat them on the back as they cry out their deepest sorrows to you. After all, you are the flat mum for a reason.
Your Monster energy flavour: Ultra Violet
Libra
You're going to wake up with a burst of energy you haven't had since primary school. With all this newly found will to live, what will you choose to make of the day? As all the possibilities circulate in your mind, don't forget that fat to-do list you’ve been meaning to tackle.
Your Monster energy flavour: Peachy Keen
Capricorn
Growing up, you thought uni was going to be just like Gilmore Girls. The hustle-and-bustle from this week is going to prove that you thought wrong. Your soul is yearning for an Irish goodbye from all your responsibilities. and a sesh with your mates.
Your Monster energy flavour: Mango Loco
Leo
Your cravings and hormones are running wild this week. Don’t be surprised if you end up walking through the aisles of the New World like a junkie going through withdrawals. Midterms are done, so curl up in bed, get snacking and binge watch your comfort movie.
Your Monster energy flavour: Pineapple Punch
Scorpio
The skies are grey, and the leaves are falling. Even if it doesn't feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel, keep yearning for the summer sun so you don’t go insane. In the meantime, hunker down, keep your friends close, and start planning summer festival outfits.
Your Monster energy flavour: Aussie Lemonade
Pisces
While on the search for your next method of procrastination (doom scrolling), you'll remember the two hundred Instagram reels your Mum has sent you. Time to react to each one with a unique emoji, and explain to her that the video of a dog doing backflips is AI.
Your Monster energy flavour: Ultra Gold
Aquarius
This week, try to maximise your whimsy. Fall deeply in love with someone you see in the library, and Google love potions as an attempt to win their heart. Okay – it might be a little hard to get a lock of a stranger's hair, but the thought was cute.
Your Monster energy flavour: Papilion
Cancer
Someone close to you will get on your last fucking nerve this week. Maybe it's the way they talk over you, or how they “borrow” your stuff. With the amount of times you've ranted to your mum this week, surely it’s a sign to cut them off.
Your Monster energy flavour: Fiesta Mango
Virgo
You've recently had a dry spell. It’s time to clean out the cobwebs and finally let someone into your Chamber of Secrets! Remember there are free condoms at Student Health and Tinder isn’t that hard to install. Get your freak on!
Your Monster energy flavour: Ultra Paradise
Sagittarius
Those TikToks promoting Feet Finder are starting to look like a reasonable form of income. So grab your nail polish and try your hardest to make your dogs look appealing. Maybe you'll be able to afford more than 2 minute noodles soon.
Your Monster energy flavour: Original Green
Gemini
A small spider is going to set up camp in the corner of your room. You can A) befriend it and give it a name like Bob, B) scream your head off and use half a can of bug repellent, or C) move flats and never look back. May fortune forever be in your favour.
Your Monster energy flavour: Ultra Rosa
