Satire: The Truth is Out There

Satire: The Truth is Out There

Over the past week construction has stopped on the stretch of the Leith River between Union St and the Leith St footbridge, around the same time as a mysterious blue tarpaulin appeared. They have clearly found something that has halted construction. One anonymous law student said that he “saw people in full white biohazard suits around the blue tarpaulin last week. Occasionally one would glance at a complex array of tubes and gauges and make a series of notes in a cramped and trembling hand.” As I have not evolved x-ray vision yet, I present my speculations on what might be under the thin plastic sheet that separates the truth from the world.

  1. Asbestos. Unlikely, the entirety of the world’s supply of Asbestos was used up to make the Burns building. 
  2. The bones of a previous Vice-Chancellor. Without the head. The head is kept in the Hall of Heads at the Vice Chancellor’s residence, to be consulted on matters of state. 
  3. The body of the current Vice-Chancellor with eggs laid in her abdomen, perhaps missing her skin. Very likely, it would explain a lot.
  4. Nothing. They just wanted to keep a small patch of earth dry as a refuge for wet moles. Fairly likely, large construction firms are known for the respect they show the natural world. Unlikely, there are no moles in New Zealand.
  5. The Illuminati eye. The tarpaulin is made out of tinfoil and old Dan Brown novels.
  6. Another tarpaulin. It’s tarpaulins all the way down.
  7. The soul of the Richardson building. Upon its release the Richardson will be covered with wildflowers and the rightful king and queen will bring peace to the land. Both likely and the best argument for not moving the tarpaulin.
  8. An intriguingly shaped rock. It was so affecting that it stopped construction. No one can work while they know the rock is there, it’s just too intriguing.
  9. A mysterious golden light. Likely, I don’t think Tarantino is that busy at the moment.
  10. The deep pain of losing a loved one, covered over but always ready to reopen in a strong wind. Inevitable. 
This article first appeared in Issue 12, 2017.
Posted 10:36am Sunday 21st May 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin.