Viagra can make your penis feel like it’s throbbing. It can put unnecessary strain on your blood pressure, and it can lead to erections that, just like the infomercials claim, can last for more than four hours. Ross, a student here, didn’t seem to give a shit about any of that.
Ross took Viagra about 30 times before his third year of Uni. He does not need to take Viagra, and never has. He also strongly recommends that you do not try Viagra, mostly because, in his own words, “it fucking hurts, bro.” But that didn’t stop him from trying. According to Ross, Viagra can create an incredibly painful throbbing sensation in your penis, which is “not great”. Also according to Ross, people take Viagra to have a good time, because “Who’s taking Viagra for any other reason than to have a good time? Like, if you’re taking it, you’re probably expecting a good time.”
He also does not have a prescription, and when pressed on where he got the drug, Ross told us that “he wasn’t sure”, and that “he couldn’t remember” if he stole it or bought it or whatever. So that was suspicious. At one point, he claimed to have had “at least 20-or-so” pills in his collection. He took these pills before sex, supposedly because “it can make you just go and go and go… you know how sometimes after sex you can’t get hard for a while? That period of time goes, like, way down and you can just keep going over and over.” Critic asked Ross if his sexual partners were actually keen for “that sort of appetite” but he didn’t really understand the question. It’s possible that the blood meant to be in his brain had gone elsewhere.
Viagra does, however, work “real well” in combatting whiskey dick. “That’s never a problem,” said Ross, who’s self-described as “a bit of a drinker”. According to Ross, whiskey dick was one of the biggest reasons he took Viagra, second only to “having a good time.” He said that it did not provide a high, and that the only notable side effect was “genuine pain” in his penis which, again, is completely perplexing.
Mysteries abounded in Ross’s story. How he got the pills in the first place, why he took them, and what the point of this entire fucking exercise was, was completely beyond us. Of all the drugs you could illicitly obtain and then take at a party, Ross chose to take the only one whose major side effect is “incredible penis pain”.
Wondering if Ross was alone in his experience, the Critic team went to Reddit for answers. One user on Reddit claimed that a blood clot formed in his penis over the course of 12 hours, which led to him losing his little fella. He said that “if you have an erection for too long and don't do something about it, you can develop a clot in the dorsal vein of your penis. Your penis then becomes ischemic, and will die, and have to be removed.” We have no idea if this is true, but it sounds like it sucks. Or, at least, it’d be hard to suck.
Another user said that Viagra has a magnifying effect on other drugs, because of how it reallocates blood flow. “It magnifies the effects of alcohol,” they said, “which means I have to pay attention to drink LESS than I otherwise would. On the flip side, it magnifies the effects of THC, which means a few puffs and I'm getting more hallucinogenic experiences than usual.”
Finally, a third user warned against taking too much. “A full pill is overkill,” they said. “Viagra is short-lasting compared to the other PDE5 inhibitors, and very potent. The dosage for men with erectile dysfunction is 25mg through 100mg. Since you are healthy, and because you want to minimise side effects, I recommend taking less than 25mg.” Try telling that to Ross, who insisted he “just wanted to have a good time and it worked”.
Recreational Viagra, by all accounts, seems like an absolutely terrible time. A hard time, if you will. And while Ross said that there are, in fact, Viagra dealers in Dunedin, “the blue pills aren’t nearly as popular as the other drugs they carry.” Shocking stuff.