Fuck, I Canít Cook!

Fuck, I Canít Cook!


Nachos are one of those typical flat meals that can be dreadfully boring or terribly exciting. I think this recipe falls under the latter category. Nachos are already fantastic, but when you cover the whole thing in cheese sauce, it is made even better. I also recommend purchasing some exciting toppings as well – sour cream is a must, and so is salsa and guacamole.

Serves 6


For the chilli:

1 large onion, peeled and finely diced

1 carrot, grated

3 cloves garlic, peeled and finely sliced

A handful coriander, finely chopped, optional

1 tsp paprika

½ tsp ground cumin

2 cans chilli beans

1 can black beans, drained and rinsed

1 can tinned tomatoes

Salt and pepper

Pinch of chilli flakes, optional

A drizzle of oil


For the cheese sauce

4 tbsp butter

3 tbsp flour

2 cups milk

2 cups cheese

½ tsp paprika

Cayenne pepper, optional



To assemble:

2 packs of corn chips

Salsa, guacamole, and sour cream, to serve


Make the chilli:

  1. Fry off onion, carrot and garlic in a large pan over medium heat until soft and golden.
  2. Add the coriander, paprika and cumin, stir, and fry off for 1 minute.
  3. Add the chilli beans, black beans and tomatoes and season with salt, pepper, and chilli flakes. Stir and simmer for around 10 minutes, or until thick.


Meanwhile, make the cheese sauce:

  1. In a medium sized pot over medium heat, melt the butter.
  2. Stir in the flour and cook until the flour and butter have combined into a paste.
  3. Remove from the heat and slowly whisk in the milk. Adding the milk slowly and whisking will prevent lumpiness.
  4. Return to the heat and cook, whisking occasionally, for a few minutes, or until thickened.
  5. Remove from the heat and stir in the cheese (I like tasty cheese), paprika, and cayenne pepper. Set aside.

Assembly: This all depends on whether you like your nachos soggy or crunchy.

If you don’t want any sogg, bake just the corn chips in the oven until golden and crispy, and then serve with the chilli and cheese sauce but don’t return it to the oven.

If you like a little sogg, lay the corn chips on two trays. Top with the chilli and cheese sauce. I try to cover the chips in the middle and leave some around the outside uncovered so I get sogg and crunch.  Grill in a very hot oven (as hot as it goes) until it bubbles and is golden: around 3 minutes.

This article first appeared in Issue 26, 2021.
Posted 3:14pm Sunday 10th October 2021 by Alice Taylor.