The Critic Mid-Sem Haiku Competition

The Critic Mid-Sem Haiku Competition

Nothing screams Easter like a haiku competition. We asked you to send in haikus and you did, in moderate numbers, so thanks. While only the top 20 could be published and only the top 5 get tote bags, we were in equal parts inspired and depressed by all of them. If you wrote one of the poems in the top 5, email features@critic.co.nz or message our Facebook to claim your tote bag.

 

You sent us haikus

We laughed, counted syllables

Art is beautiful

-     Critic Te Arohi

 

Top 20

 

I shit my pants on 

Castle street I regret it 

drugs can suck my nuts

  • A participant of sex

 

winter draws near now

time to stop buying long whites

here come the long nights

  • Oscar

 

Health scis in the lib

Body parts on MacBook screens

When will their dreams die?

  • Sean

 

Drinking all break long

get my school shit done in time?

Not a fucking chance

  • Jesse

 

I WRITE THIS REPORT 

WHAT THE FUCK IS A D-LOOP 

JUDGEMENT AT MIDNIGHT 

  • Nicholas

 

Friend request from Kate-

Invite to join Sign-Up Club.

Unfriend. Fuck off Kate.

  • Ben

 

My flatmates never

Change the toilet paper roll

I want to change flats

  • Briar

 

I run up and down

Flights of stairs in Richardson, 

Because lifts scare me.

  • Lauren

 

The UberEats guy,

On my front doorstep again.

(I just love dumplings)

  • Lauren

 

Sexy rubber shoes

Good for sleeping or standing

Have sex in your crocs

  • Ku

 

I wrote a haiku

I wrote it for the Critic

They did not like it

  • Dave

 

In my flat alone

I will study for mid terms

Oops I am now drunk

  • Matt

 

Bless that one student

Asking dumb questions again,

So we don’t have to.

  • Lauren

 

To the bestest Bills

Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack 

Spread the love my dudes

  • Karna

 

Goon mixed with a sprite

A cheap way to get wasted

Dollar per standard

  • John

 

Winners

 

My flat loves hummus 

We have a big wall of lids

There are thirty lids

  • Avery

 

Write your wanton words

A harsh critic tells the truth;

Mullets are not hot

  • Phoebe

 

There is nothing like 

A Crown, for picking it up

And putting it down

  • Liam

 

It's so long and hard

And I'm about to get fucked

Essay due midnight

  • Romy

 

Richardson Building

Comfortingly robust frame

Cold concrete tower

  • Simon
This article first appeared in Issue 6, 2021.
Posted 12:30am Sunday 11th April 2021 by Critic.