A Warrior’s Tail

A Warrior’s Tail

Director: Maskin Fadeev

Rating: D

A Warrior’s Tail is a low budget Russian animated film which I’m hoping was poorly translated because I have no idea what the narrative was actually trying to convey. Every character was obnoxious and annoying and lame and had their own bizarre storylines going on.

So like, the main character is this child called Savva who has to save his village from a pack of Hyenas who are doing A Bug’s Life-esque steal of all the food from the weak people in exchange for money from the bad guys who are monkeys. Whoopi Goldberg voices the villain who is a cursed three-headed Gorilla. Each head represents vanity, foolishness and power or something. To save his Mum and the village, he has to go see a wizard(??). Savva meets really weird friends along the way. There’s a sexy looking white wolf who turns into a sexy looking anime dude. The sexy wolf guy is also cursed because their leader ate a human or something and so now their whole race of wolves is turned into humans as punishment and their only weakness is mosquitos (???). The next character is this gross rat looking man who is ALSO CURSED because he has women fight over him or something(??) (I hope you are getting this gist with all these question marks..) Then there is this annoying as hell pink furby looking thing who then gets worshipped by some non-specific indigenous tribe. Then some girl from the tribe joins them to see the wizard, and there is a battle or something and then the village is saved because the monkey lady shrinks.

As well as all that, the animation is just awful. I understand the need for more “family appropriate” films during school holiday time, but this was just so bad. I was the only one in the theatre!! It looks like The Jimmy Neutron movie but worse. I have no idea what else to say about this because it was so bad and if the only redeeming factor is a poorly animated white haired anime looking dude, why the hell was it even released globally.

This article first appeared in Issue 9, 2016.
Posted 12:24pm Sunday 1st May 2016 by Lisa Blakie.