Monday: Back to School (Courtyard)
Flo-Week opened with a strong start at Courtyard, running the tried and true ‘Back to School’ theme. The look book for the night was composed of pleated skirts and unironed white collars, with a fair sprinkling of kit from local high schools – including a concerning amount of prefect blazers. Critic notes that most of the latter were rolling. The Birks and white socks combo did appear to make a comeback, despite not being up to uniform regulations. Or human decency. A commendable effort was made by girls Critic spoke to who’d all shortened their skirts for the night. Despite being warm, there weren’t as many Britney looks as anticipated which is either a win or a loss for feminism, depending who you ask.
It was a great turnout, especially for the first day of Flo. Our interviews from the night are primarily staticky screams into the mic. The setup was impressive and altogether felt quite safe – even at midnight. Campus Cop John Woodhouse was “very happy with how things have gone,” telling Critic that “if [Flo] continues like tonight, I’ll be very happy.”
Style tips: Make your old school uniform sexier, and do not think of the implications
Accessorize with: Replying to your mum’s goodnight text, for once
Arrests witnessed: 1 (non-student)
Tuesday: Day at the Races (Racecourse/tunnel)
And they’re off! Always a good theme for separating out who is actually posh from the rest. Polos and cocktail dresses were the go, occasionally topped with a fascinator, though many hats did end up in the gutter. This in itself was fascinating. A group of girls also expressed their extreme disappointment in the sheer amount of guys wearing cheesecutters – a sentiment shared by Critic. If your hat sounds like a fart, it might be a shit hat.
The setup was actually fucking wild – they were sponsored by H2YO somehow – with a good stage and real decent lighting. It glimmered nicely over the expected amount of broken glass (‘Dunedin Glitter’). Brotown played on a projector to the delight of the masses, though switched over to the Pokies app later in the night. We stared at it intently. Some freshers were present, though too shy to be a nuisance. Woodhouse noted no arrests, and also slapped one of Critic’s “You wouldn’t deface public property” stickers on a cop car. Also, sorry for knocking your Speight’s over. You know who you are.
Style tips: Literally fucking anything, apparently
Accessorise with: Saying ‘neigh’ to ketamine. And to horse girls
Arrests witnessed: 0
Wednesday: Brides and Grooms (Fridge/Fridgette)
“It’s just a bunch of semi-drunk Dunedin students standing around, and I’m one of them,” student Charlotte told Critic. Valentine’s always seems to get the short end of the stick (and no, that’s not a euphemism). All the couples stay home, and for some reason the singles seem a bit hesitant to dress like they’re getting married. Girls were generally more into dressing up than blokes, but overall it ends up looking a bit too like White Out because no one owns a tux. Critic did spot a few suit jacket-blue jeans combos, and immediately felt like we were in The Inbetweeners. It’s funny how Wednesday is still Wednesday whether you’re working or binge drinking. Second-year Amelia told us, “I’ve reached the point even goon is unappealing,” three days in. All in all, a pretty tame night. Woodhouse told Critic that “the street parties are brilliant: it keeps everyone together in one place, under lights and under cameras, and everyone feels a lot safer when they see police officers around.” Most people said they op-shopped their costumes, though some did say Glassons – living up to the ‘something old, something new’ adage. The ‘something blue’? Balls.
Style tips: Wear a wedding fit with pride, despite the state of the Dunedin dating scene
Accessorize with: Shamelessly dragging a Tinder match along
Arrests witnessed: 1, for stealing our hearts
Thursday: Double Denim (Complex)
Despite a lot of interviewees expressing excitement for Double Denim on previous nights, there was not a lot of denim, and especially not double – mostly just vaguely blue ‘fits. However, big ups to the girl wearing denim jeans with a denim skirt as a top. Seriously guys c’mon, everyone has jeans. No excuses. Complex had an impressive lineup, and was absolutely packed despite initial fears of rain. Host Michael “had doubts” about the weather, but “Castle always pulls through. Just when you think it’s dying down, people are always getting amongst it.” Woodhouse claimed he “accurately predicted that it was gonna be a great night, so it transpired. Very well-behaved, just a thoroughly enjoyable evening.”
As per, the Red Frogs were being absolute legends, providing pancakes and public gym-esque tunes. Overall, the vibes were a bit like a festival, but with less denim. Doesn’t matter, the music delivered. “The quality of DJs that we have at these parties is really second to none,” Macca told Critic. “These are the DJs that are supporting international artists globally [...] the sets that they are putting down are [what] you’d expect on a global scale. They're world class.” If you say so.
Style tips: You’re not above wearing jeans. You’ve probably worn jeans. You probably own jeans. Take denim and double it. Empty the tiny pocket, though
Accessorize with: Some sorta complex about being above the Juxedo
Arrests witnessed: 0
Friday: Jungle Green/Camo (Jungle)
Fine. We didn’t make it to Castle. One staff member “was gonna go, but the top I was wearing was too lime green, so I chickened out and went to see L Hotel and CANDI play at Catacombs instead.” Another staff member had bowel issues, which did actually match the theme, but that’s tmi. Cats was good, though.
Style tips: Manscape
Accessorize with: ‘Rubbing some dirt on it’
Arrests witnessed: n/a
Saturday: Thirsty (White Out)
Saturday saw Critic dusty, tailing Campus Watch, and wearing the wrong fucking theme. They switched it, and we didn’t double check even though they do this every time. We were had. It was honest to God humbling. Is that how freshers feel all the time? Aside from the two Critic Olds in very, very, very fratty attire, Thirsty was amok with white Huffer tees and jorts. So, so many jorts. The bolstering crowd around us moved like The Great Wave off Kanagawa, and we were but a sober, letterman-clad rowboat crushed by the tsunami.
There were a couple lads spotted wearing identical outfits of a mullet, large plain white T, jorts, long white Nike socks, and white Vans. They were even the same fucking height. Another guy claimed that in lieu of owning anything white, he opted for going shirtless since he was “white enough as it is”. We were too tempted to join him.
Thirsty was one of the rowdiest of the nights, apparently boasting a $4k sound system. We witnessed property damage, break ins, and street pisses from all genders. Talking to Campus Watch, they admitted that White Out made it easier to spot the lurkers and outliers who didn’t belong on the street and were just looking to cause trouble. We wished we were. If you asked a second-year, though, they said it made it easier to spot the freshers, with cries of “fresher!” heard as they spilled onto the street after being kicked out of halls at 10pm. At least we’re not freshers.
Style tips: Don’t be a grubby bitch. Or Critic.
Accessorize with: Vanish Oxi Action, and staying home Sunday.
Arrests witnessed: 2