Archive

Bone Apple Teeth: Eggs Benedict for a Good Fuck

Posted 6:10pm Thursday 27th February 2020 by Critic

The morning after sex plays a vital role in defining your future. If the person in question is a definite one night stand, then you needn’t worry about a good breakfast impression. A bowl of cereal is, in that case, an offer of sincere generosity. But let’s say you’ve made love to Read more...

Horoscope

Posted 6:07pm Thursday 27th February 2020 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 New year, new you. Go to the gym and then immediately treat yourself with Maccas. This week’s drug of choice: Sugar   Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 It’s your birthday. Drop out of Health Sci and do that film degree. This week’s drug of Read more...

Critic Blind Date | Apollo and Artemis

Posted 5:53pm Thursday 27th February 2020 by Critic

APOLLO I approached the Critic Blind Date with a devil-may-care attitude; I wasn’t necessarily looking for a long-term relationship, but I’d happily take whatever happened naturally. I had signed up on a whim and was excited to see what would happen. I’m happy to say that my Read more...

Editorial: Fuck The 2020 Election And Fuck Anyone Who Wants Me To Cover It

Posted 2:58pm Wednesday 26th February 2020 by Sinead Gill

Party politics is boring and bullshit, and politicians are too.  This year is election year. As of writing this, I haven’t even made a single Critic yet, and already there is incredible pressure from all sides for me to cover what politicians and parties are up to. But here’s Read more...

Bone Apple Teeth | Vodka Vegetarian Pantry Pasta

Posted 2:44pm Saturday 22nd February 2020 by Caroline Moratti

Welcome to Bone Apple Teeth. This column is not going to teach you how to make nachos. Everyone fucking knows how to make nachos. If you’re here for that school camp shit of defrosted meat and canned beans, please kindly turn the page. Bone Apple Teeth is about beautiful, fun, vibrant food on Read more...

Critic Booze Reviews | Gordon's Pink Gin and Soda

Posted 3:04am Friday 21st February 2020 by VirGINia Woolf-it-down

If you like Gin in-a-can, then, boy, is this the drink for you: Gin but Pink. I don’t fuck with gin too hard myself, but I was definitely intrigued by the fact Gordon’s were spicing up their line of gin with… slightly more interesting gin. Sadly, even an infusion of Read more...

Critic Blind Date | Harry and Megan

Posted 2:31am Friday 21st February 2020 by Critic

HARRY   Taking chances can lead to the most rewarding experiences in life. When the call went out and Ol’ mate Critic needed some help, I was happy to oblige. A new format was interesting enough, but late afternoon was a rough time. Both parties were sober and the experience had a Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Issue 1

Posted 12:12am Friday 21st February 2020 by Critic

Had a sexual encounter that was unusual, scandalous, or spicy? Send in your moaningful confession to critic@critic.co.nz     I was going to send this in last year but at the time there were some rumours flying around about one of the people involved and I didn’t want to Read more...

Horoscope | Issue 1

Posted 12:02am Friday 21st February 2020 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Aquarius Season is nearly over and everyone else will be relieved. This week’s 2am feast: A Macca’s cheeseburger that you dropped on the road.   Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Asking people their moon and rising sign won’t make you less Read more...

Top Ten Animals of the Air New Zealand In-Flight Entertainment Kids Map

Posted 2:23am Friday 4th October 2019 by Alex McKirdy

Let me set the scene: you’re captive in an aluminium tube, thirty thousand feet above the ocean, cruising at a speed of over eight hundred kilometres per hour. Hours have passed, and hours are yet to pass. With your senses dulled from your fourth complementary beverage, you crave a simpler Read more...