Critic Blind Date | Apollo and Artemis

Critic Blind Date | Apollo and Artemis

APOLLO

I approached the Critic Blind Date with a devil-may-care attitude; I wasn’t necessarily looking for a long-term relationship, but I’d happily take whatever happened naturally. I had signed up on a whim and was excited to see what would happen. I’m happy to say that my date was just as casual about the whole affair, meaning there was no social pressure to act in a ‘datey’ way. Even before the date officially began, we were getting along very well, having an involved conversation for two rather reclusive people. While I was initially disappointed that we didn’t get to visit the Whisper Dish, as holding a date conversation across several meters sounded hilarious, I enjoyed talking in the bedroom of one of the Critic’s staff members. The tea was lovely, the room was cozy, and the musical accompaniment was excellent. The date itself was fairly calm, focusing on getting to know each other more, but I’ll happily take a nice chat with someone lovely any day. Everything came naturally, there weren’t any awkward worries and it didn’t feel like it dragged out at all, maybe because my date had a lecture to go to shortly afterwards.

Ultimately, I really enjoyed my time with my date, and I’m certainly keen on seeing her again. I don’t know if I can say my feelings are romantic just yet, but I know that this date was the start of something great.

P.S: I’d like to thank the rubbish lady who gave us such encouraging words on the way out. You’re doing the Lord’s work, and I wish you the best.

 

ARTEMIS

Considering I'd spent the morning of the Big Day watching a video that made me question my attraction to men, I didn't set out with great expectations. Despite my sapphic questioning, all was not lost. After some awkward filming and meeting the team, I finally met the man himself, and at first glance he seemed good company. After spinning the activity wheel far too many times because this bitch had class and she NEEDS them grades, we finally settled on a five-star destination: the bedroom of one of the finest critic writers. After a sunlit walk to said bedroom, during which we had more stimulating discussion, we arrived at a classic dunners flat (yes, by that I mean messy but rustic). In the 'rustic' bedroom we had some tea, music, and yarns. Being serenaded with a recorder rendition of My Heart Will Go On was certainly riveting and new. Overall, the date was a fun adventure and the company was interesting, but at the end of the day, girls are just wayyyyy better than men (sorry my dude, still keen for some platonic chats tho for sure). TL;DR: queer girls, email critic and get a blind date with me ;)

This article first appeared in Issue 2, 2020.
Posted 5:53pm Thursday 27th February 2020 by Critic.