Critic Booze Reviews | Gordon's Pink Gin and Soda

Critic Booze Reviews | Gordon's Pink Gin and Soda

If you like Gin in-a-can, then, boy, is this the drink for you: Gin but Pink.

I don’t fuck with gin too hard myself, but I was definitely intrigued by the fact Gordon’s were spicing up their line of gin with… slightly more interesting gin.

Sadly, even an infusion of raspberries and strawberries - along with an attractive cute pink packaging - only marginally lifts Gordon’s unimaginative and characterless spirit, a spirit that matches that of white fresher girls that consume it.

Thankfully, it doesn’t actually taste like gin. At first glug, it just tastes like sugar - the finer, subtler tasting notes emerge only once you have actually swallowed it. I think. As advertised, allegedly the beverage contains hints of strawberries and raspberries. I don’t think anyone at Gordon’s has actually ever tasted either of these fruits. At best, it tastes like the strawberry Meadow Fresh yogurt that your flatmate brings home around March and abandons in the fridge, and that everyone else is too afraid to open.

FALSE ADVERTISING. When you remove it from the can the contents are not pink, but white and cloudy. The first swallow made me literally foam at the mouth, but I rated that, because I have always wanted to know what it feels like to have rabies. Thanks Gordon’s.

The real crime here is that no can of the stuff reaches a whole standard, but rather a pathetic 0.8 standards. This equals a measly 4% per can. But if you thought that number sucked, check out the price: a whopping $24.99 for a 12 pack.

I don’t know who came up with the pricing for this, but they should feel ashamed for this low blow in our already fragile economy.

In any case, you’ll likely finish the whole pack in an evening. But if you’re Sarah from UniCol, you’ll probably only need three cans while you’re getting ‘silly with the girls’ before screaming and blacking out in the bathroom.

Taste Rating: 4%/10

Froth Level: Giving average head

Pairs well with: A superiority complex, majoring in Marketing

Tasting notes: Your best friend’s 21st

This article first appeared in Issue 1, 2020.
Posted 3:04am Friday 21st February 2020 by VirGINia Woolf-it-down.