English Lecturer Just Reads Off Author’s Wikipedia Page for Whole Lecture

Posted 8:37pm Thursday 9th May 2019 by The Critical Tribune

A local English lecturer has given up actually teaching in his lectures and resorted to the time-hounoured fuck-around that is reading out an author’s Wikipedia page. One student the Tribune spoke to was amazed at the wealth of knowledge available to her in the lecture. “It is Read more...

Student Banned From Unipol for Grunting While Covered in Chalk

Posted 8:37pm Thursday 9th May 2019 by The Critical Tribune

Area man and student, Steve Grieve (23), has been banned from his university’s fitness centre for using chalk and repetitively grunting while using the weights machine. Despite clearly posted signs forbidding either activity, Steve told the Critical Tribune that he’s “confused and Read more...

Man With Incredibly Loud Car Actually Does Have Huge Penis

Posted 8:38pm Thursday 9th May 2019 by The Critical Tribune

“Okay, sure, I rev my engine when I see girls on the side of the street, but that doesn’t mean I’m compensating for anything!” Disgruntled Dodger Challenger owner, Chad “The Man” Zipper, told the Tribune. Chad told the Tribune he has resorted to reassuring Read more...

It’s Time to Return All the Dishware You’ve Been Hoarding in Your Bedroom to the Kitchen

Posted 7:41pm Thursday 2nd May 2019 by The Critical Tribune

You know who you are. This is your wake-up call. It’s seriously disgusting and the flat needs the other half of their dining supplies. People are starting to get desperate. Yesterday, one of your flatmates used their textbook as a plate because you’ve got the other six stacked up next to Read more...

Classmate You Think is Smart Actually Just Blindly Confident

Posted 7:41pm Thursday 2nd May 2019 by The Critical Tribune

Think about it. You know the person I’m talking about. You trust what they say when they give you advice because it sounds good, not because it’s obviously correct. They don’t even believe what they’re saying, they’re just using you as a sounding board to see if you Read more...

American Exchange Student Really Excited to Show You Their New Tattoo

Posted 7:43pm Thursday 2nd May 2019 by The Critical Tribune

“I got it because I just really, really care about the ocean, and, like, the environment and stuff. Yeah,” says American who thinks the only way to express something even somewhat meaningful to them is by getting it permanently detailed on their skin. “I just got it done in Read more...

Rebellious Vaper on Campus Claims They “Don’t Give A Fuck, Man”

Posted 7:45pm Thursday 2nd May 2019 by The Critical Tribune

Jonathan ‘The Cloud’ Matthews insists that the Vape Free signs around campus won’t keep him down. “It’s like, a human right dude. It can’t hurt you,” said Matthews, in between rips of vanilla-cola flavoured vapour. Campus Watch responded to his continual Read more...

Conditions Worsen in Communist East Dundas

Posted 8:32pm Thursday 25th April 2019 by The Critical Tribune

If you look at Dundas Street from space (and really, why else would anyone ever go into space), you’ll see a tragic sight. One side of the Dundas Wall is sparkling and joyful, with many lights burning in a homage to the glories of unbridled capitalism. On the other side, however, in Communist Read more...

Man Who Wore Sombrero to Flat Party Not Actually Mexican

Posted 8:32pm Thursday 25th April 2019 by The Critical Tribune

“It’s true. I’m not Mexican,” revealed Jackson Whitely, while wearing a sombrero and maracas to a local, un-themed flat party. When asked what his ethnicity actually is by Tribune reporters, he responded “Cantabrian.” In an independent investigation, it was found Read more...

Leith River Found to Contain Traces of MDMA

Posted 8:33pm Thursday 25th April 2019 by The Critical Tribune

In a recent study undertaken by KnowYourDrugsNZ, the Leith has been found to be 7% MDMA. Experts theorise the recent Hyde Street Keg Party is largely to blame, with an “influx of pingers” hitting Dunedin streets (and apparently the rivers). Students are gearing up for what looks to be Read more...