Student Votes in OUSA Election, Realises They Matched With All Presidential Candidates on Tinder

Posted 10:54am Friday 20th September 2019 by The Critical Tribune

Third-year student, Anna Brown, felt as if she already knew the OUSA presidential candidates, despite never meeting them. Upon reading their bios in last week’s Critic, as well as seeing their faces smeared over social media, Anna couldn’t help but shake the familiar feeling she got from Read more...

Film Student Really Wants You to Understand Tarantino Like He Does

Posted 11:05am Friday 20th September 2019 by The Critical Tribune

Otago Media Film and Communications student, Jordan Fleming, maintains Tarantino is the best director of all time (although says Stanley Kubrick is a close second). He asks if you would like to come around on Friday night and watch Kill Bill with him so he can explain every frame to you. “With Read more...

Booze Review Writer goes Straight Edge, Reviews Smug Sense of Superiority Each Week

Posted 11:06am Friday 20th September 2019 by The Critical Tribune

Swilliam Shakesbeer, Critic’s resident booze reviewer, has recently announced that they have completely cut out all drugs and alcohol. “I just feel so much healthier, you know,” Swilliam wrote in their latest column. When Critic Editor Charlie O’Mannin approached Swilliam Read more...

Wearing Speed Dealer Glasses at Drinking Events Scientifically Proven As a Great Personality Replacement

Posted 11:50pm Thursday 12th September 2019 by The Critical Tribune

In a recent study undertaken by the University of Otago Psychology Department, participants with a profound lack of personality were found to be liked more by others when wearing quirky shades. This finding was not to the surprise of students interviewed, with one student saying, “that kient Read more...

Teenager in Polo Cap and Oversized Vintage Tee to Headline Laneway 2020

Posted 11:51pm Thursday 12th September 2019 by The Critical Tribune

Laneway’s recent 2020 line up announcement has declared local Auckland talent, Josh Smith (not that Josh Smith) as headliner for this year’s event. A so-called ‘man of the people’ Josh looks forward to playing Mac DeMarco’s Spotify radio algorithm from his decks while Read more...

Local Student Gives One of Dunedin’s Walking Tracks a Go, Cures Depression

Posted 11:49pm Thursday 12th September 2019 by The Critical Tribune

George West, Law and Philosophy student, had tried everything to cure his seasonal depression. He just thought that he was pushing through it when James Heath announced that he was not running for 2020 OUSA president, making him hit an all time low. “I just didn’t know how to snap out of Read more...

Lecturer Wasted on Holiday in Queenstown Freezes in Fear Upon Seeing Students

Posted 11:49pm Thursday 12th September 2019 by The Critical Tribune

Microbiology lecturer, Sarah Doctorindahouse, was minding her own business getting completely written off on holiday when she spied some of her students peering over at her in the club. "I just wanted to get fucked up on MDMA on a well-deserved break, but now these cunts are going to be Read more...

Study: Flatmate’s Dishes Date Back to the Neolithic Era

Posted 11:45pm Thursday 5th September 2019 by The Critical Tribune

In groundbreaking new research, local Archaeology student Penny Tration has successfully dated her flatmate's dishes back to the early Neolithic. “By observing the remains of homo flatematus we can learn valuable things about their habits and lifestyle. For example, prior to this study Read more...

Local Goth Pleased to Find They’re Accidentally Supporting Thursdays in Black

Posted 11:46pm Thursday 5th September 2019 by The Critical Tribune

“Let me get this straight,” said Dunedin goth Jonathan “Blood Dread” Brown. “All I’ve got to do to show my support for survivors of sexual violence is to wear black one day a week? I’ve been wearing black every day since I was 13 and heard Green Day for the Read more...

Clocktower Goblin Made Redundant as University Updates to Automated Bells

Posted 11:47pm Thursday 5th September 2019 by The Critical Tribune

Otago University’s resident hunchback finds himself newly unemployed as the proctor installs an automated striking clock system, rendering Bogdan Bogusław’s hourly bell ringing obsolete. For the last 89 years, Bogdan has faithfully squatted behind the clock face, pulling the Read more...