Horoscopes: Issue 6 2025

Posted 10:56pm Sunday 30th March 2025 by Critic

Pisces Don't eat that yogurt that has been sitting in your fridge since the start of uni. You have created a new kind of bacteria that will either make dicks double in length or kill someone. While fun and awesome, it's kind of gross.  Your joint to crack: Neck Libra Libra, Read more...

Horoscopes: Issue 5 2025

Posted 10:18pm Sunday 23rd March 2025 by Critic

Pisces This week's weather will be your downfall. Make sure that the first thing you do in the morning is check the MetService app – no one wants to be the person who gets caught in the rain in a t-shirt or forgets to put a top under their hoodie on what feels like the hottest day Read more...

Horoscopes: Issue 4 2025

Posted 5:30pm Sunday 16th March 2025 by Critic

Pisces It's time to revamp your Spotify playlists. You have been listening to the same 20 songs on repeat and are missing out on some really amazing new releases. New songs will also give you a new lease on life and as the sun disappears, lord knows you need something to keep you Read more...

Horoscopes: Issue 3 2025

Posted 11:08pm Sunday 9th March 2025 by Critic

Pisces Your delulu optimism will be the only thing keeping you going this week. The whole world will be trying to drag you down but thank GOD for your rose tinted glasses. Just keep your head up and live like that motto on your mum's tea towels: keep on keeping on.  Your Body Mod: Brow Read more...

Horoscopes: Issue 2 2025

Posted 6:46pm Sunday 2nd March 2025 by Critic

Aries Energies are high at the start of the week, with lots of aesthetic sunrises, Instagram stories, and study seshes. But that doesn't last long. When the burnout hits mid-Wednesday, remember that it's not even a month into uni and that try-hard shit can wait till after mid-sem Read more...

Horoscopes: Issue 1 2025

Posted 5:57pm Sunday 23rd February 2025 by Critic

Aquarius The new year's goals crumbled pretty early, but that doesn't mean you need to wait until next year to quit those naughty habits. Try giving up the vape, hitting the books and giving your vibrator a deep clean. Fav moment of Ori: Monday in U-Bar! Pisces It’s your season, Read more...

Horoscopes: Maramataka

Posted 4:35am Monday 16th September 2024 by Critic

For Te Wiki o Te Reo Māori from September 16th-22nd, Critic Te Ārohi’s orb reads the maramataka – a calendar highlighting the connection between the moon and our well-being. The energy levels are caused by the gravitational forces of Te Ra, Marama, and Whenua. Rāhina Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 21

Posted 4:26pm Saturday 7th September 2024 by Critic

Aquarius All your shoes are feeling tight this week. Go sockless to allow for extra space in there, but don’t let anyone know – it’s kinda musty. Just say you’re wearing no-show socks, still weird but a little more socially accepted. Daydream Prompt: Losing your shoe while Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 20

Posted 6:37pm Sunday 25th August 2024 by Critic

Aquarius Taking a break from reality can sometimes do more good than harm, so absolutely check out this week. Be the personification of lights on, no one home. You may regret it next month, but you can claw yourself out of that pit when you come to it. Late-night side quest: Eat gummy vitamins and Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 19

Posted 4:25pm Saturday 17th August 2024 by Critic

Aquarius The moon is screaming at you to avoid toxic friends. Now is the perfect time of the year to cut your circle down to those you actually want to be around. No point in feeding a plant you think is ugly and smells funny. Art to make: A new collaged laptop screensaver Pisces Summer Read more...