The Great Critic Hall Food Review

Posted 7:52pm Thursday 2nd May 2019

Over the past few weeks Critic has been sneaking into halls to review their food. We are fully aware that you can just buy meals at most of the halls, but our lives were getting dull and we needed some adrenaline to make us feel alive again. Also the Critic budget has been exhausted of late by Read more...

UoO Moaningful Confessions | Admission to Submission

Posted 6:45pm Thursday 2nd May 2019

It all started with my drunken admission of my dream threesome with my two besties, Elle* and Jay*. To put this in context, my dry spell had lasted months and was now bleeding into my first year of Uni. Surprisingly this suggestion actually led somewhere. It is decided that the threesome shall be Read more...

Critic Blind Date | Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore

Posted 6:42pm Thursday 2nd May 2019

The hopeful lovers on the Critic Blind Date are provided with a meal and a bar tab, thanks to Mamacita. If you’re looking for love and want to give the Blind Date a go, email blinddate@critic.co.nz     Adam Sandler My date greeted me with a nervous but sweet smile and a Read more...

Top 10 ways to tell someone you have an STI

Posted 6:33pm Thursday 2nd May 2019

Emojis. There’s no better way to tell your Tinder hookup from a month ago about your pubic lice than sending a crab and eggplant emoji side by side. Hire a sky writer to write a message announcing your chlamydia. The sky’s the limit. Make a public declaration on Facebook. Bonus Read more...

UoO Moaningful Confessions | Bloody Hell

Posted 9:04pm Thursday 25th April 2019

Two years ago, I had been out on a date with my (now ex) girlfriend. We'd gotten back into her sleep out at her parents place and were going at it like a couple of pornstars. Despite both of us being really into it, we'd be going for awhile, and didn't have any lube. As we were doing Read more...

Horoscopes | Issue 09

Posted 8:56pm Thursday 25th April 2019

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Pluto is going to be in your spiritual zone until exam time so be careful about going to $3 lunch from now on. One more “hello smiley” directed at you might send you over the edge and before you know it you’ll be the one in the kitchen chanting while Read more...

Critic Blind Date | Clarke and Jacinda

Posted 8:38pm Thursday 25th April 2019

The hopeful lovers on the Critic Blind Date are provided with a meal and a bar tab, thanks to Mamacita. If you’re looking for love and want to give the Blind Date a go, email blinddate@critic.co.nz     Clarke I discussed the criteria of an ideal date with my flatmates, Read more...

Top 10 Ways to Remind your Flatmate to do their Dishes

Posted 8:30pm Thursday 25th April 2019

1. Put a sad face on a post-it note 2. Message the group chat a friendly reminder, hehe! 3. Do it for them! Surely they'll remember next time!!!! 4. Lock the dishes in a cupboard that only you, the keeper of keys, know the combination to. They will only get access once they prove their Read more...

Random Shit the Uni Spends Money On

Posted 7:18pm Thursday 11th April 2019

A tonne of milk in Otago Business School: $5,800 per year Have you ever walked past a fridge and decided to take a sneak peek inside? That’s what Critic did in-between lectures in the Business School. To this reporter’s shock it was completely packed with upward of a dozen two-litre Read more...

Horoscopes | Issue 08

Posted 6:40pm Thursday 11th April 2019

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 To be a breather is not simply to breathe. To be a breather, one must step into the shoes of those that came before them, step back out of those shoes, pour a Billy Mav into said shoes, and sip upon the sweet nectar from sole to soul. Are you ready for your holy Read more...