Dear Critic...

Posted 12:42am Wednesday 3rd March 2021

Dear Critic, Here’s one for you. I’m having girl problems. I was trying to get with one of my flatmates last year, but she’s since come out as gay. All good, power to her, but things have gotten complicated this year. On Wednesday, she brought home a girl that I had been Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Some Great Ass-bestos

Posted 12:24am Wednesday 3rd March 2021

It’s very exciting to meet another gay in Dunedin, so when you do, you have to make the most of it. My girlfriend and I were in the U-Haul stage — we were already planning matching scissor stick n’ pokes and she’d lent me her copy of Fun Home, so you could say that it was Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Between Two Bogans

Posted 3:48pm Sunday 4th October 2020

It was a sunny summer Saturday, one of the last before I returned back to dunners this year. Of course, this Saturday was not out of the ordinary as it involved some pretty hectic day drinking and the shenanigans that go along with it. This story begins after a good old-fashioned game of truth or Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Fucked My Way Into Boyfriend Territory

Posted 3:31pm Sunday 4th October 2020

We had known each other in high school. Back then, I was the captain of the boys' team, She was the captain of the girls' team. We also sat next to each other in English so safe to say the sexual tension was already through the roof. I barely paid attention in that class. It started as most Read more...

Vape Review | Simply Salts Mango

Posted 9:45pm Thursday 24th September 2020

Today my Co-Star told me “you were born to make history”, and that really stuck with me. At first, I felt overwhelmed with the pressure my Co-Star bestowed on me. How am I, a loser from Dunedin, going to make any sort of emblematic change to our historical narrative? The pressure seems Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Cruise Club Daddy

Posted 9:43pm Thursday 24th September 2020

When the Critic asked us to spill our most scandalous sexcapades I didnt know where to start. I still don’t. So many stories, so little words. Do I start with the 3-way in a sauna which ended with more than sweat dripping down my body, or the 12-man orgy in which I could only make out the Read more...

Vape Review | Bogan Brews Coorong Cola

Posted 9:37pm Thursday 17th September 2020

Okay, here’s a question for you: what the fuck does ‘cola’ taste like? No seriously, if you had to explain to someone what cola tasted like without saying cola, how do you describe it? Does it even have its own tasting notes? Every time I drink something cola flavoured, all I can Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | It's Always the Hot Ones

Posted 9:34pm Thursday 17th September 2020

It all started during lockdown, ya know when your girl was bored, lonely and especially horny... I was desperate and re-downloaded tinder and started swiping right on everyone, which I must admit was a marginal move from myself.  Anyway, the weeks dragged on throughout lockdown and I Read more...

Vape Review | Sadboy E-Liquid Butter Cookie

Posted 10:26pm Thursday 10th September 2020

Honestly, the biggest cultural reset occurred in 2013 when Yung Lean dropped the videos for his two singles, ‘oreomilkshake’ and ‘Ginseng Strip 2002’. This fucking kid comes onto the scene, bucket hat and all, and drops the chillest of trap beats. His videos were surrounded Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Team Rawdog, right, babe?

Posted 10:23pm Thursday 10th September 2020

Met a guy on tinder. Really witty, messaged me with more than a hey and I was hooked.  After 6 months of feeling like an incel, all I needed was a root and boot. Quickly organised drinks, knowing that ya girl is a loose goose on the piss. The night rolls around, and I get picked up by this guy Read more...