Suburbia has extended their dominance over students’ Saturday nights into the following day by hosting a Biggies Pizza (Sub’s day-time persona) eating competition on Sunday, September 13th. Hosted at the infamous Courtyard flat, roughly 21 nominees from various Castle St flats attempted to take on a 20 inch pizza for the cash prize of $1000, free Biggies Pizza for a year, and some Red Bull (mint).
Despite the less-than-accessible set up that prompted complaints from the outer ring of students who couldn’t see shit, it was relatively enjoyable. Each contestant sat in front of a bottle of blue Gatorade, their pizza of choice, and the occasional bucket for safety (we didn’t hope someone would vomit, but we didn’t not hope either). Anything for some free kai, right?
But before the games could even begin, the crack of a Gatorade bottle opening sung out through attentive taringa, and eyes shot to the guilty competitor. Tsk tsk. He was subsequently damned to finish the entire bottle before having a new one replaced so the games could commence. Our pizza eating fiends weren’t taking any prisoners. Everyone was then told to raise their hands behind their heads for fairness’ sake.
The crowd chanted “3…2…1…GO!” And away they went. Eyes filled with fury and passion, each contestant went “ham” for all 20 inches. While some contestants chose a more enjoyable pizza with more toppings (a great opportunity for more than a value pizza) others opted for the cheese pizza (for efficiency). The most common consumption strategy was folding pizza slices in half or stacking them on top of each other.
The optimistic fighting spirit dwindled towards the end. Contestants held in cheese-induced vomit and the crowd's eyes were locked on some guy, a majestic fellow (no one could tell Critic Te Ārohi who he was), who at 8 mins 40 secs had finished demolishing his 20 inch pizza – and had set a new Biggies record. Two people vomited around this time, one of whom was wearing a shrimp costume (shrimply unfortunate).
Hope drained from his fellow contestants eyes and it became a sorrowful race for second and third. In the end, the mystery man with his new pizza eating record paraded the Courtyard with delight – comically large cheque in hand. His only comment to Critic? “Unreal.”
Aside from that, the only other eventful happening was the flat wearing white shirts with ‘Pizza’ sharpied on the front won best costume and got to take home a Pepsi-themed cornhole. Unreal indeed.