Students trying to start the lock-in early last week might have had a bit of a shock when a 20-metre-long Western dragon decided to set up shop atop St Dave’s. According to a statement from University Property Services, the dragon left “minimal” damage to the building, which was a “true testament to its engineering”. Bet the Uni is glad it landed on that instead of one of the real old buildings.
The dragon, a Western Orange Firebreather, was reportedly not a sight that fourth-year Zoology student Vari thought she would ever see. “It was literally fucking nuts,” she excitedly told Critical Tribune reporters. “I looked out the window, and I saw this giant, leathery orange thing blocking the light. I thought a sunshade was being installed or something.”
According to Vari, who has learnt a fair amount about all things scaly and serpentine in her Zoology course, the dragon must have been “confused” in landing atop the building. Orange Firebreathers are known to fly across massive stretches of the globe for dry, warm conditions – the exact opposite of the Dunedin climate. A lecturer from the Zoology Department explained to Critical Tribune that it’s “super uncommon” for Orange Firebreathers to be found this far South. “It probably got mixed up on its way to find Australia,” the lecturer surmised. That makes sense why it didn’t last long on campus – Critical Tribune wouldn’t with this weather, either.
A group of students who witnessed the Firebreather in the early hours of the morning explained to Critical Tribune that its “fiery breath instantly melted away the winter frost all around St Dave’s”. There are now calls for the Dunedin City Council to explore a pet dragon to permanently alleviate frost-related issues in the winter.
After resting atop the building for around half an hour, Property Services and Campus Watch managed to lure the dragon off together with some luncheon obtained from New World Gardens. Garett Flemming, Head of Property Services (Magical Beasts Division) witnessed the Firebreather take off first hand. “It was terrifying – you only see that kind of thing once in your life,” he said, chuckling nervously. “I’m just glad I still have all of my limbs.”
As if that wasn’t enough mythical activity on campus, Critical Tribune has also received reports of kelpie activity in the Harbour. More to come!
