Foreign Object Found in $4 Lunch

Foreign Object Found in $4 Lunch

When will the soup slander end?

OUSA CEO Debbie Downs reported to the Exec at their meeting last Tuesday that a “small sharp foreign object” had been found in a student’s $4 lunch on April 18th. OUSA Prez Keegan was distraught – soup day is her favourite day. The Exec also expressed their concerns for the student’s well-being.

After the student found the “foreign object”, Debbie reported that, “The student suffered a minor injury from the object and sought medical attention.” Clubs and Socs staff “have also reached out to the student, who reported they were recovering well.” Responding to the news, one student expressed concerns over the well-being of the person who ate the mystery object: “I hope they are okay. Are they okay?” Her friend simply said, “That’s really unfortunate.”

After the incident was reported to the Clubs and Socs crew, Debbie said that “Senior staff and the lunch provider conducted a full investigation into the incident, including possible contaminant sources.” Unfortunately, the investigations of Clubs and Socs staff haven’t been made easier by the fact that “the item was thrown out immediately after the incident,” making it impossible to identify its murky origins or what it actually was. It’d be like trying to find a needle in a haystack – but in a building of haystacks, and you don’t know whether it’s a needle you’re trying to find. 

Currently, $4 lunch is provided by Tandoree Garden, after the restaurant took over production following the stepping down of Jane Beecroft (former OUSA lunch matriarch) in 2021. No other incidents of this nature have been reported since Tandoree Garden’s takeover in 2022. Debbie told Critic that OUSA staff “are confident that this was an isolated incident.” Foreign objects or not, nothing will come between Critic and our samosas.

This article first appeared in Issue 10, 2024.
Posted 7:51pm Sunday 5th May 2024 by Hugh Askerud.