Art Hoe Training

Art Hoe Training

From the comfort of government-issued isolation

Famous museums all around the world are offering virtual tours of their exhibits to help pass the endless void of time during this quarantine period. That’s right, VR isn’t just for porn. Now’s your chance to one up that flatmate that went to Europe once and never shuts up about it. Out-do their knowledge of the fine arts and make flat dinners far more pretentious than ever before.


The British Museum of London

Walk through a world of incredible pieces, almost every single one stolen as a product of the British Empire. Look at the Rosetta stone (stolen), Nigerian Benin Bronzes (stolen), and a variety of other priceless artifacts (most of them were stolen).

Pairs well with: white wine, colonialism, your flatmates leftovers.

The Guggenheim 

This is one of New York City’s most prominent modern art museums, and is one for the futurists. You can explore a world of art that looks like a blob drawn by a 4 year old but has more cultural significance than Shrek will ever have. Drink the pain away while walking around some cool sculptures.

Pairs well with: obscure references, gin, finger painting.

The National Gallery of Art, Washington D.C.

There’s a fuck tonne of Baroque in here, so if you ever wondered what that word meant, here is the place to find out. Fun game: drink every time you see a dick, finish your drink every time you see an animal painting that looks nothing like the actual animal.

Pairs well with: medium rare chicken, Corona, pictures of a childhood pet.

Musée d’Orsay, Paris

Put your fancy sweatpants on, this museum is the home of every white girl’s favorite phone lockscreen, Van Gogh (battle out the pronunciation). Sip some $8 red wine and discuss eating yellow paint to get through self-iso, and whether it’d be cute to cut off an ear. 

Pairs well with: 1 litre bottle of red from countdown, cheese, ear cutting knife.

National Museum of Modern and Contemporary Art, Korea

If you like color, this is the one for you. Some modern art featuring sick shapes and photography makes this website a little different from your run-of-the-mill online museum tour. For the weebs, you can pretend to meet your koreaboo in the wide, empty hallways.

Pairs well with: grapefruit soju, causal xenophobia, acid.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art

You can finally live your Gossip Girl fantasy of sitting on the steps of the Met, thousands of miles from the city. Art history, blogs, and exhibits are all available from this website. Be the black-coffee drinking New Yorker and pretend your cold flat is a chilly New York night.

Pairs well with: yogurt, espresso martini, a barrette.

The Louvre

A slightly smaller collection than some of the others, but the French are too busy eating bread and drawing on tiny moustaches to worry about the internet. Have a look at the famed Egyptian room, the moat and some original Rembrandt. It is recommended to listen to french music while exploring this virtual exhibit.

Pairs well with: stripy shirts, stale bordeaux, deep sighs.

Posted 3:25pm Sunday 29th March 2020 by Sophia Carter Peters.