(Donít) Ask Otago

(Donít) Ask Otago

DISAPPOINTING SERVICE !!!!!

3 stars

Their website claims that “AskOtago offers help and support for all those who study, work or contact the University of Otago” which is clearly NOT TRUE !!! !!!!!!!!! I went to AskOtago in PERSON to ask about a mole I had that appeared to be cancerous which is HIGHLY EMBARRASSING !  I was NOT impressed with the response I got. They redirected me to Student Health which seems as if they couldn’t be bothered dealing with my issues. I was OUTRAGED. The lady was kind, but did NOT seem impressed when I showed her the mole in question. Will not be using this service again.

 

 

HEART BROKEN….. …… IN MANY WAYS

2.5 Stars

I went through a rough time recently when I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me with my flatmate in my bed. I asked AskOtago if they could offer any help of what I should do, and they told me to go to Student Support. I was in a bit of a hurry so I asked the woman working if she could just offer me personal advice herself. She just kept redirecting Student Support, which is fine but I just needed someone to talk to. I’m so alone. I don’t know what to do…...

 

CLOGGED TOILET NO MORE

5 Stars

MY FLATMATE HAS CLOGGED MY TOILET AND THERE IS POO GOING EVERYWHERE IN MY HOUSE AND I ASKED  ASK OTAGO ON THEIR ONLINE CHAT FOR ADVICE AND THEY TOLD ME TO CALL A PLUMBER BUT I DO NOT KNOW ANY PLUMBERS IN DUNEDIN  SO THEY TOLD ME TO GOOGLE ONE SO I DID AND NOW A PLUMBER IS  ON THEIR WAY TO STOP ALL THIS POO IN MY HOUSE SO OVERALL GOOD SERVICE WOULD RECOMMEND

 

Caleb, please reply to me.

4 Stars

On a cold, lonely evening I found myself in the AskOtago online chat asking about dinner recommendations. Caleb, my lovely AskOtago assistant, was on hand to help with my query with his strong, gentle command of the English language. He asked what kind of budget I was working around “if you don’t mind?” Oh, Caleb. A lady never tells. I asked him what his personal favourite was. He responded almost straight away, saying “a few suggestions would be No7 Balmac, Etrusco or Plato. I haven’t been to many myself, sorry.” It was telling that Caleb chose to direct me to the most romantic restaurants in Dunedin. It was even more telling that he was explicitly telling me about his lack of restaurant - and therefore dating - experience. It was… hot. I felt like Meg Ryan in ‘You’ve got Mail’. Was this my Tom Hanks? Who was this sensual, smart man hiding behind a computer screen? I wanted to touch him, to reach out, to connect on an intimate level that I’d never connected with anyone before. I thanked him for his recommendations. Then, after a deep breath, and a large glass of wine (ladies, you know what I’m talking about!) I said “How does 7pm sound for you? x”

Caleb was typing. I sat there, waiting, wishing, hoping. Could my luck be about to change? Could every ex-boyfriend, every heartbreak be suddenly worth it if it’s brought me here, to this AskOtago Chat? Oh Caleb, just talk to me. It’s me, your Meg Ryan.

Another minute went by. My heart palpitated as I awaited his response. Just say you’re free, my darling. We can share breadsticks, explore each other’s bodies in the quiet of the dark.

Finally, a reply from Caleb, my love! My eyes fluttered open to the message on the computer screen. “Is there anything else I can help with today?” He said. Was it possible he misread my last message? Is this man incapable of reading? I asked him about 7pm. 7pm, the lovers’ hour, the cupid’s bow on the clock. 7pm, to go to a restaurant, with ME, his Meg. Oh AskOtago, why do you hire such cold, handsome boys to play with me so? Why would he so clearly ignore my message like this, after all our history, our in-jokes, our connection? I took another sip of wine, trying to calm myself. Breathe, dammit, breathe. I tried to play it cool. I couldn’t bare him knowing how much he hurt me. “No, that’s all,” I slowly typed, my heart heavy with every clang on the keyboard. Unable to resist myself, I added a tentative “it was devastatingly wonderful talking to you, Caleb.” Surely, he would see past my composed exterior? Surely, he would realize his rushed, foolish mistake and sweep me off my feet, just like he did with his restaurant recommendations? Oh, those recommendations, Caleb! Remember when you asked me about my budget? You showed more concern for my financial well-being than any man I have ever bedded. Remember when you dazzled me with ideas of Etruscos, of dining in candle light over a plate of shared spaghetti? I’ve seen the Lady and the Tramp, dammit, Caleb! We both know how Italian food ends. For saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch, and palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss. Answer me Caleb!

Finally, a response. “Thank you for using the University of Otago Chat Service,” reads the message. “Caleb has disconnected from the chat.”

Oh.

So now I am left, trying to sum up my experience with AskOtago. Well, I tangoed with love. Waltzed with heartbreak. Harlem-shaked with embarrassment. Cha-Chaed with grief. Caleb, if you’re reading this...I love you. I know our time was short, but you showed me the stars. They say it’s better to have loved and lost, but, sometimes in my darkest moments, I wish I could forget our burning passion. I know you’re out there, talking to other girls, advising them on their University of Otago problems. Well riddle me this Caleb, Ask Otago - how do I fix a broken heart?

This article first appeared in Issue 4, 2020.
Posted 6:46pm Thursday 12th March 2020 by Caroline Moratti and Henessey Griffiths.