Saturday night was wild. Kick ons went hard, but your mate’s party went harder. The night was fuzzy, but judging by the amount of seedy “up2 x” messages you sent and lack of cards in your wallet – it must’ve been a good night. You wake up on Sunday with a light amount of vomit beside you. You don’t know how you got home. Your head is pounding. You need sustenance. You crave a meal that fills the void of serotonin and self-loathing in your brain. What do you choose?
Hangovers suck. Everyone knows that. And we all know the best cure for a hangover is a good hearty meal. But the worst part about the Sunday morning hangover is deciding what foodstuff you wish to immerse your body, mind and soul in. But we’ve got you covered; here are Critic’s recommendations for some of the finest dusty Dunedin delicacies.
Toaster hash browns
Honestly go to the supermarket when you’re buying your piss, buy one of those 1kg bags of Hash Browns, and thank me later. Not only are they an easy meal to prepare, but they taste fuckin good. Especially when you’re at the point of dust that not even a can of Pledge could get rid of, just scoff down a few salty hashies and your hangover will be cured.
A black coffee and two cigarettes
The best self-made laxative known to man. Even though you woke up already feeling like an ash-tray, there is nothing better than a coffee and a cigarette followed by the post-night rundown with your flatmates. Top it off with listening to your favourite sad Mac DeMarco song and you’ve got yourself a lovely, sustaining meal.
Three packets of Mi Goreng eaten straight out of the pot
This is for when you’re feeling particular bad. There’s something about the low-budget cost of noodles alongside the accessibility and lack of effort that helps cure your hungover ass. The tang of Barbeque Chicken that lingers when you’re dry heaving results in a great out of body experience.
Your flatmate’s fried rice leftovers and a big glass of water
I feel like it’s a scientific fact that fried rice tastes better when it’s reheated the next day, and when it’s not actually yours. Firstly, fried rice slaps so hard. The grease, the rice, the cold vegetables fills the hole in the heart that your dream Tinder girl who left you on ‘seen’ created. But top that with the thrill of getting a passive aggressive message in the flat group chat really helps exorcise the hangover out of your body.
A phat cook up with the flat
Splurge out on the flat card. You deserve to treat yourself. Get yourself some bacon, eggs, beans, nice bread - you name it. Make your least favourite flatmate do all the cooking; all the dishes can be Monday’s problem. Not only is it a way for you all to come together and share all your poor choices, but you get to eat some fried goodness. Self-loathing and regret is always better in the company of others.
The dollar bag of scrolls from New World
One of the biggest life hacks I can offer you is that at around 5pm - 7pm every night, Centre City New World marks down most of their bakery products and chucks them in a bag for $1. You can get bags full of muffins, scrolls, bread - you name it. Who doesn’t want a whole lot of carbs topped off with a blue Powerade in the early hours of the morning? Chuck them in the microwave, smear that shit with butter, and you’ve got yourself a divine meal.