Culture

Directed by D.J. Caruso. Starring Alex Pettyfer, Timothy Olyphant, Dianna Agron. (2/5).

I Am Number Four is a teenage sci-fi where Darth Maul-like offspring go to the supermarket, wave at little children in order to look casual (despite the four functioning gills on either side of their nostrils) and buy chicken for the lethal pets that they keep outside in an inconspicuous black truck. They have some pretty interesting ideas about how society should deal with unemployment and the mental limitations of comic book fans. In their spare time they enjoy feeding people silver balls that are adorned in fast moving metal blades.
 

Oh, I am Number Four also involves a semi-irrelevant plot-line about a blond American teenager, John Smith (the humour around this name is undoubtedly too good), or “Four” (Alex Pettyfer), trying to protect the world from the Darth Maul babes and their Alexander McQueen Spring/Summer 2010 styled pets. Number 4 also begins the search for his conveniently numbered brothers and sisters (although unfortunately Number 1, 2 and 3 have all been killed).
 

I particularly enjoyed the sexual objectification/ hotness of John’s sister Number 6 (Teresa Palmer), who we see throughout the film, in search of John because together the alien siblings are capable of that much more. Number 6 tells Number 4 he’s “good with his hands”. An incestuous relationship is hinted at. Thank goodness John has already fallen for cheerleader-turned-semi-alt-chick, Sarah (played by Dianna Agron - cute actress from Glee, anyone?). In their final scene together, John is forced to part with Sarah, but, while uttering his final “I love you”, John catches a glimpse of a cute dog in his peripheral vision, promptly forgets about Sarah and goes to play with the dog. Oh well, alien and human relationships are far too close to bestiality for it to ever work out.
 

The token sci-fi nerd and best friend of Number 4 (Callan McAuliffe), after murdering one of the many antagonists with a brutal red laser gun, jokes that he “plays a lot of Xbox.” This line in all its predictability describes this graphically advanced Neanderthal film.