Need to prep for an all-day study sesh? Want to eat a hot meal on campus instead of in your cold flat? Keen to push the edges of culinary possibility and ethics? I (might) have the solution for you. A few weeks ago – armed with several microwave-safe containers, a lack of sleep, and one electric whisk – I undertook a mission to make all of my meals entirely using campus kitchenettes. My impetus here was not only to demonstrate the real possibility of such a task, but also to highlight for the lunchtime Link-queuers the abundance of microwaves all across campus. Did it give me any time to study? Not really. Did it save money? Can’t say. Did the meals taste good? Perhaps – I’ll leave that to the roped-in reviewers to decide.
Breakfast in Burns – Eggs Benedict
Eggs Benedict is a classic breakfast favoured by cafés that you, as a student, are probably not frequenting that often. Here, I aim to make this meal accessible to the masses through the most humble of cooking machines. The Burns’ kitchenette was perfect for this, with two microwaves and a boiling water tap – though I did have to explain myself to some baffled MFCO morning coffee makers.
Ingredients
- Eggs (whole) x2
- Egg (yolk) x1
- Potato x1
- Balsamic vinegar (2 tsps)
- Brown sugar (1tsp)
- Portobello mushrooms x2
- Salt & Pepper
- Baby spinach
- Cream (one bottle)
- Lemon (one half)
Recipe
Step One: Churn butter by whisking 250mL cream until butter separates from the buttermilk (just try not to get flecks everywhere). Squeeze out the buttermilk using your hands or a cheesecloth, making sure to save it to be used later. Mold the butter into a ball and fold in salt to taste. Store bought works fine; what you lose on whimsy and price you will save on time.
Step Two: Slice potatoes into slices a few centimetres thick and then microwave them in Microwave 1 for ~12-16 minutes (until they go soft) with a bit of butter and some salt. For those who want a more traditional eggs benny (and aren’t coeliac), feel free to substitute this with toast or English muffins, though you will have to find one of the kitchenettes that actually have a toaster.
Step Three: Melt 1/4 cup of butter. Separate one yolk from one egg (save the white for the meringue later), whisk the egg with the lemon juice before gradually adding the still-warm melted butter.
Step Four: When the potatoes are nearly done, whisk together 2 tsp balsamic vinegar and 2 tsp brown sugar. Spread that over the gills of the mushrooms and place them in Microwave 2 until the mushrooms are juicy but still firm (~2-6 minutes).
Step Five: After the potatoes have finished, put boiling water, vinegar, and salt in a bowl. Crack the remaining eggs into the boiling water and then microwave eggs for ~30 second increments until they look done (look for solid egg white all the way through). This step is the most variable depending on the microwave; my one at home took about 2 minutes, but the one in Burns took a fair bit longer.
Step Six: Melt butter in Microwave 2 and leave to cool till just above lukewarm. Separate yolk from egg (save the white for later), whisk the egg with lemon and a pinch of salt. Slowly add the butter to the mix while whisking continuously until the hollandaise has emulsified.
To Serve: Plate spinach on the base topped with a spoonful of hollandaise sauce, place the potato slices on the top of the hollandaise in two stacks. Place one mushroom on top of each stack, removing the stalk. Place a poached egg in the centre of each mushroom, sprinkle with salt. Enjoy!
Review: 7/10 – Overall the Eggs Benedict tasted “pretty good” which I’ll take, given the reviewer noted that they don’t like mushrooms or runny things. One thing that didn’t go as well as it could have was the egg, which was a bit runnier than ideal. I put this down to the microwave being slightly weaker than my one at home, so definitely would improve with practice.
Lunch in the Law building – Dahl & Bread
Hoping to curry favour from the Law students, I made my dahl in Richardson which has some great microwaves available on most floors. Unfortunately, each kitchenette only has room for a single microwave, which meant I had to use the advanced technique of multi-floor cooking.
Ingredients
- Lentils (½ cup)
- Paprika
- Curry Powder
- Chilli flakes
- Tomato x1
- Butter (¼ cup)
- Buttermilk (from earlier) - ~⅓ cup
- Self Raising flour (gluten free (optional)) ~ ½ cup
Recipe
Step One: Wash ~1 cup of rice in a sink and then top up so that the rice and water have a 1:2 ratio. Cook in Microwave 1 for ~10 minutes.
Step Two: Combine ~½ cup of lentils with ~½ cup of water and then cook in Microwave 2 for ~10 minutes. If you really want to, here’s where you’d pretend to do something productive like start that reading you’ve been procrastinating.
Step Three: Once the rice has finished cooking, melt ~¼ cup of butter along with spices to taste (I used curry powder, salt, and chilli flakes) for ~ 2 minutes in Microwave 1. Stir in with the lentils.
Step Four: Add the buttermilk that you saved earlier to self-raising flour until a thick soupy texture is reached. Cook in Microwave 2 for ~ 7 minutes or until breadlike in texture (you may need to flip the bread over and cook for another minute or two).
To Serve: Plate rice and then dahl, with bread on the side.
Review: 8/10 – I did assume that this would be the most likely meal to work and I was pleasantly affirmed. This dahl was both “fire” and “slay” and compared favourably to the $4 lunch dahl (which, if my maths is right, it is cheaper than per portion).
Dinner in the Link – Pasta & My Descent into Madness
Lit by the hellish overhead white lighting of the Link, time seemed to stretch and blur. I felt like I was in a haze (not helped by the multi-floor cooking dizziness from lunch). The space was immensely public. The chairs were the least comfortable in the world. I genuinely experienced some kind of microwave-induced Havana syndrome. This is a recipe not for a meal, but for an out of body experience.
Ingredients
- Milk
- Vinegar
- Gluten Free flour ~1 ½ cups
- Eggs x2
- Tomatoes x2
- Garlic
- Paprika
- Italian Herbs
- Sanity x-1
Recipe
Step One: Pour milk into a bowl, adding about a teaspoon of vinegar and a pinch of salt. This will theoretically become cheese later.
Step Two: Knead the eggs into the flour until it forms a firm ball. Flatten out the dough and try your hardest to cut it into long strips while despairing as it fails to do this and instead manages to both dry out too fast and clump together. If you do this in the Link, here’s where you’ll be spending most of your time trying to avoid weird looks from other students.
Step Three: Bring a bowl of water to boil and, having given up on making the pasta look at all presentable, put it in. Keep the water boiling by intermittently putting it into the microwave until al dente. Or don’t do this actually; just because something is possible doesn’t necessarily make it a good idea.
Step Four: While this is happening, mince garlic and tomato using a knife. Combine with herbs and spices to taste before microwaving for ~2 minutes.
Step Five: By now the cheese should be done. Separate the curds from the whey by squeezing it through a cheesecloth.
Step Six: Pour the water out from the pasta, making sure to rinse off the mucus-like layer that inexplicably formed on the surface? (No idea how that happened).
To Serve: Pasta on the bottom, sauce and cheese on top, microwave for another ~ 1 minute to melt the cheese a little. Try not to think too hard about the abomination you’ve created.
Review: 3/10 – The rating here is exceedingly charitable. I felt the need to warn my reviewers about how bad the meal was beforehand. Some stunning quotes included “has taste, not the cheese, but the pasta itself has taste”, “it is a solid substance”, and “the sauce isn’t really sauce, more like brutally mauled tomato”. One person reckoned that they had “eaten worse”, which is damning by faint praise.
Dessert – Spice Cake with Stewed Apple & Meringue Icing
After making the pasta, I genuinely don’t totally remember much of making this. I was meant to go to St. David’s for it, but instead I think I entered a fugue state from which dessert suddenly appeared. Whether this is necessary for the recipe to work is unclear.
Ingredients
- Egg (white) x1
- Self Raising flour ~½ cup
- Brown sugar ~2 tbsps
- Cinnamon
- Milk ~⅓ cup
- Apple x 1
- Fugue state (optional?) x1
Recipe
Step One: Mix self-raising flour and buttermilk in a bowl – like the bread, you’re aiming for a soupy thick texture – alongside brown sugar, cinnamon, and whatever holiday spices you have on hand (like cloves or something). Microwave for ~6 minutes till the cake is slightly doughy.
Step Two: While this is happening, beat the egg white you saved earlier until it forms stiff peaks. Pro tip, if you’re using an electric whisk, don’t do this in the Link (like I did) because people will stare at you.
Step Three: Once the microwave has finished, add apple slices around the outside of the cake and microwave for another 1-2 minutes.
To Serve: Scoop the meringue on top of the cake, then sprinkle with some more brown sugar.
Review: 6.5/10 – Unclear what direction having the pasta beforehand influenced the rating, could be that it was lowered by association or raised for its contrasting edibility. Testers noted the stewed apple as the real highlight of the dish – and this is definitely something that could be eaten just on its own. Put together, the meal was considered “warm and comfortable”, but only maybe worth the effort.