2001: A Space Odyssey

2001: A Space Odyssey

Director: Stanley Kubrick

Rating: F---

I want to preface this by saying that I only saw this movie because my Dad got a Kubrick box set from The Warehouse and said we had to watch it. It’s about some astronaut guys who are on a spaceship going somewhere and it sucks. I don’t care how fancy a director Stanley Kubrick is, if I have to watch one more second of stupid spaceships floating around in space I will personally scratch every DVD of 2001 ever made. You might think I’m being overdramatic but there are literally minutes that go by where nothing happens but floating. Sure, maybe a hundred years ago before space was invented that would have been a cool sight to behold but as someone who has recently seen both Gravity and The Martian, I am unimpressed. And what is with the classical music? It’s bad enough that the spaceships are just floating around but why is this fancy music acting like the Beacons of Gondor have just been lit? This isn’t Han Solo navigating an asteroid belt—it’s just a stupid spaceship that happens to be floating. It’s like being forced to watch screensavers from a Windows 98 but less entertaining.

And let’s not forget the stupid monkey rock. For those of you who haven’t seen this ‘masterpiece’, for some reason there is a big rock that makes monkeys go nuts. The music made it seem like this was probably important, but the music also thought the floating was important so who knows. I certainly don’t, although to be fair I stopped watching around the time the computer guy started being a dick. I’m not sure how it ends, but I hope everyone died and that the monkeys figured out what the dumb rock was.

If you’ve never seen a film before it’s possible you might like this. For those of you who have seen films, I recommend not seeing this one.

This article first appeared in Issue 26, 2016.
Posted 12:08pm Saturday 8th October 2016 by Jac Aske.