Disclaimer: OUSA does not endorse dumpster diving as it can have serious legal ramifications.
Joey, a local fashion dumpster diver, told Critic Te Ārohi dumpster fashion “is fast fashion”. As in, you’ve gotta be fast: “I don’t want to get caught knees deep in dumpster grime and my future wardrobe.”
It’s a no-brainer that the fashion industry is cooked. Every year, around 100 billion clothes are made, but each is worn an average of only seven times. As a result of mass scale industrial production (mostly done through slave labour), fashion accounts for around 10% of global greenhouse gas emissions. Water use is also a big one. It takes 2,700 liters of water to manufacture that cotton t-shirt you got from Glassons. You could make 103 pints of beer with that.
“Jared”
The “Jared” look is perfect for the cold Dunedin winter months. The “Jared” boasts a stylish discarded promotional “Meat and Seafood week” supermarket T-shirt overtop of a light cotton button-down shirt. To complete the look, “Jared” sports a fluffy monkey mask underneath a warm pink beanie. You can bet your ears won’t be cold beneath all that synthetic-dumpstered fabric.
“Full of Surprises”
With the “Full of Surprises” look, you can have it all. The baby blue t-shirt creates a playful summer vibe. This is perfectly counterbalanced with the 5-or-so checkered and striped button-down shirts, neatly tied around the waist. Dunedin’s weather is unpredictable, so you can rest assured that you’ll have plenty of layers to be prepared for all four seasons. Fully complete the look with oversized gumboots for all the puddle stomping of your wildest dreams.
“Tradie: Anonymous”
Want the tradie clout without the Polytech course or the five years’ experience? We can help you look the part. The fluorescent orange jumpsuit has a road cone-esque aesthetic, ensuring you won’t get hit by oncoming traffic, but not guaranteed to keep you safe from breathas on a night out thinking you actually are a road cone. The jumpsuit also has great functionality; we’re talking pockets, straps and adjustable buckles. What’s more, the slippery fabric means that the next time you spill your noodles, the liquid will slide right off.
“Space Trooper”
This silvery, shiny onesie illustriously reflects light, making you shine just like a star. As with the “Tradie: Anonymous”, the “Space Trooper” fit is a one-item outfit, making it ultra-convenient to slip into. As Critic Te Ārohi understands, there is no calcium in space. So, on the off chance SpaceX hires you to model for a promo vid, make sure to fuel up on Puhoi Valley Fresh Organic Light Milk from your local dumpster. You can include an optional extra of a head torch which Critic Te Ārohi understands did not come from a dumpster but is apparently an essential item for dumpster diving.
CUTS
Stitch Kitchen, located at 474 Princes Street, is devoted to zero-waste and community building, offering classes and workshops to repair and upcycle your clothes. But let’s face it, most of us are too busy trying to juggle uni with existential crises to have the time (or skill) for that. Another alternative for escaping the throws of fast fashion and giving that water laden Glassons t-shirt another life is op-shopping. It’s not as labour intensive as making your own clothes but of course, it still costs money. Perhaps, it’s time you consider dumpster fashion: It’s hot, kinda feral and doesn’t cost a cent. It’s also ethical as fuck.
Johnny, another local dumpster diver said “wearing dumpstered clothes makes me feel like a genuine rascal. The style is nonsensical and often stupid, a perfect mockery of our wasteful society.” Johnny has had some pretty good fashion hauls in his time. “One time we pulled out four walking sticks and a possum fur beanie,” said Johnny. While Johnny has made effective use of the beanie, wearing it “most days”, the walking sticks have not had much use…yet.
Critic Te Ārohi employed the service of four semi-professional models to show just how hot dumpster fashion can be. All of the clothes pictured came from dumpsters, and were supplied by anonymous sources. For legal purposes, Critic Te Ārohi had no part in the acquisition of the dumpster apparel.
To fully embrace the “Jared” look, put a road cone on your leg. What you lack in balance, you’ll make up for in style. But, be warned: if you decide to adopt the “Jared” look, there’s a good chance you’ll develop scurvy. All that meat and seafood and no fresh fruit and vegetables has left you with a serious deficit of vitamin C. But fear not; 4.8 liters of Keri’s freshly squeezed orange juice found at your local dumpster should set you right.
No doubt you’d be fast as fuck with that road cone on your leg.
Love the Jared look but can’t face the idea of a crippling vitamin C deficiency? Well w
You might be wondering, what surprises are in store? Well, if we told you it wouldn’t be a surprise now would it. Suffice to say that you’ll definitely get noticed with this fresh fit.
Not to mention the red fluorescent raincoat and orange beanie complete the practical and fashionable aesthetic.
Got no clean pants because of all your past noodle stains? Well with the “Traide Anonymous” look, no one would know. Not to mention the black hood and balaclava create a genuine anonymous aesthetic, allowing you to fulfill your greatest tradie fantasies without bumping into any of your commerce friends who would expose you for the fraud that you are.
Astronomy got you dreaming of the stars but not a billionaire able to hop on a rocket to get there? Well keep dreaming with this slick new “Space Trooper” fit.