When tensions are highest in a flat, everyone agrees to the bad idea of doing an anonymous Google Form quiz. It’s a fact of life. However, like with all good things in life, you can choose the spiciness level of these questions. From complimentary props to sulk-inducing burns, here’s Critic’s list of question suggestions ranked from “tame” to “guaranteed to stir some shit”.
Level One: Tame
Most likely to cark it at pres
- This is an easy question to start off. In every flat, there’s always someone who can’t handle their alcohol, and chances are they’re probably aware of this and get ripped out for it on the regular anyway.
Most likely not go to any lectures and get an A
- This question is also a good way to ease into it. The people who constantly miss class never fail to make it their whole personality, and also never fail to humble brag about how “shocked” they are about their grade. A great question to prompt some self-awareness.
Ugliest feet
Most likely to go on Love Island
- The person who always ditches their mates to be “on job” at a party, hounds everyone they meet for their Instagram to get more followers, and uses the geotag ‘Dunedin, NZ’? This is for them. Ranked tame because the winner will secretly be chuffed if the flat thinks they’re fit enough to be cast.
Most likely to get canceled for an offensive Hyde Street Party costume
Best and worst at beer pong
Level Two: Moderate
Most likely to piss the bed
- Bladder control while on the rark: not everyone has it. Bed-wetting makes for great roast material, but winners may become defensive. “It just happens, I can’t help it!” You can, though. Just take the L.
Most likely to have a living organism growing in their room
- Is it a new species of fungi? A reptilian creature? All you know is that whatever it is thrives in rooms that never see sunlight and stink of fermenting alcohol, where toast crumbs texture the sheets and the floor can’t be seen.
Most likely to call their parents for money
Most likely to be responsible for losing the bond
Level Three: Spicy
Most likely to screw the crew
- They’ve gotten with most of their friends, and now they’re moving on to yours. If planning red cards has been especially awkward lately, this question is your chance to call out the Casanova of the flat.
Worst personal hygiene
- Everyone in the flat already knows who this is, the spiciness just comes from the process of making that information public. Watching as it dawns on the dirty one that everyone else in the room thinks they smell? Priceless.
Most likely to fail the year
Most likely to still be living the student life at 26
Level Four: Shit-Stirring
Biggest shit talker
- Perhaps the most paranoia-inducing question there is. Extra shit-stirring if the vote is unanimous. If you bitch about your flatties to one another on the regular, invest in a diary and proceed with caution.
Most likely to get chlamydia and lie about it
- Chances are it’s already happened once, so you just have to pick who it was. This question leads to a bigger debate about who’s the least honest and the most selfish, so be careful with this one.
Most likely to borrow money and ghost after moving out
- You regularly shout them Macca’s, pay for their box and even foot the power bill because they can’t afford it (but take 20 minute showers). It’s been weeks, and the friendly group chat reminders and flat meetings aren’t doing shit. Make no mistake, this question is a targeted attack.
Who has the hottest sibling
Most likely to start an OnlyFans and not make any money