Critic Poetry Comp

Critic Poetry Comp


taurus knows libra
By Vega McHaffie

i would plead that when he saw me
he wouldn’t realise; my soul was an idea scrawled across real estate agent pads floating amongst reminders to get oat milk,
to vacuum car seats after the beach,
to water forgotten succulents.
it was not a sonata for the sage of the moon written in moleskin
not even post-LSD prose written in men’s notes apps.
my existence rather bleeds of complimentary pen ink,
the bubbling of black coffee in boys’ stomachs.
but, then again;
he’d never think to plead
that i didn’t search for the seesawing of your eyebrows on his face
for i still wait for the glue to wash away from your blushing skin,
and for the water, fresh,
to detach my regret for not learning what i was never taught,
for forgetting the feeling that never touched the futile cotton weave of my intestines. 


Runner up:

Ode to the ODT Watch
By Zach Roberts

Gather round dear friends and lend your ear
As I tell you a tale of what is lost, I fear
A tale of what the Critic got right:
The ODT Watch; our shining knight. 

While most were fine, and quite content
To leave the ODT to tell and vent
Our daring ODT Watch plunged right in
To expose the paper’s literary sins. 

From their outstretched gauntlet, the clippings fell
With scathing commentary we knew all too well
Like the “Santa of Spuds”, they’d reach your issue
With weekly blunders, just for you. 

“A bird, a plane? No it’s a flying digger”
We mocked them for their clumsy vigour.
“Dog ate homework? No, seal blocked way”
To explain the article, they chose this way. 

“Snow on ski fields, more expected”
Oh boy oh boy, this weather’s hectic.
“Licking classmates is frowned upon”
Some good life advice, if your sanity’s gone. 

“Like bees to honey”, the cellists swarm
We laugh at the way their sentences form.
And like sharks to blood, we students flocked
To see our local paper mocked. 

Alas, all brave knights must in time retire
As times move on and jokes expire.
But something truly seems amiss
To leave our Critic with this gaping abyss. 

And so I leave you now to sit and weep
About the segment we couldn’t keep
Unless some editor hears my pleas
To restore the Watcher of ODT. 

This article first appeared in Issue 10, 2022.
Posted 2:02pm Sunday 8th May 2022 by Vega McHaffie.