Dear Ethel | Issue 23

Dear Ethel | Issue 23

Flatmate in Trouble

Dear Ethel,

We’re really worried about one of our flatmates. His drinking is out of control. We all like a bit of a good time, but we can’t remember the last time he wasn’t drunk. He drinks every night and is often passed out on the sofa in the morning. He’s not himself when he’s drunk, so we leave him to it. My girlfriend won’t even come to our flat anymore because he gets so aggro. I know his parents. Do you think I should talk to them?

I think your flatmate is lucky to have such good mates! Good on you for being worried about him. The tricky thing with alcohol is that the best solution (or change) comes when the person who is drinking too much realises the harm that they’re doing to themselves, their friendships and possibly others, and seeks some help. We often use alcohol to mask other things such as social anxiety, insecurity, loneliness, depression and loads more. 

It’s great that you know the parents, but we suggest you consider having a frank conversation with your friend before you approach his parents (I’m sure you’d like that if it were you drinking excessively).

Before you talk to him, check out some of the help available for getting alcohol under control so that you will feel better placed to provide the right support/advice. Go to alcoholdrug.org.nz or give their helpline a call and have a chat about your concerns: 0800 787 797. The Community Alcohol and Drug Service (CADS) is based in Dunedin and provides a range of services, from one-on-one counselling to group therapy. Chris Griffiths, one of the practice nurses at Student Health, specialises in helping students work through alcohol dependency. General counselling is also available to help understand what’s triggering the desire to drink to excess.

Then, if you feel comfortable doing so, have a chat with him. Choose a time when you know he’s likely to be sober and tell him that you’re worried about his drinking. Ask him if he’s OK. Is there anything worrying him? You might tell him that he doesn’t seem like the mate he usually is when he’s drunk. Reinforce that he has your friendship and that you can help him find support if he wants it.

And, yes, parents are definitely an option if talking to him as a friend doesn’t work. Safety is the key. If your friend remains out of control, parents and some more formal support would be the way to go.

If you aren’t comfortable talking to him, feel free to drop into 5 Ethel B to have a chat with us about options.

This article first appeared in Issue 23, 2015.
Posted 2:06pm Sunday 13th September 2015 by Student Support.