Dear Ethel | Issue 16

Dear Ethel | Issue 16

Batting bi-handed

Dear Ethel,

I’ve always been into girls but lately I’ve also found myself attracted to certain guys. Sometimes it feels like there is pressure to either be gay or straight, and I don’t know any other guy who is bisexual. Do bisexual men even exist? I don’t know where to go in Dunedin to meet likeminded people and I’m starting to feel like I’ll never get a chance to explore these attractions I have.

- Maybe bi/curious


Dear Maybe bi/curious,

Yes, bisexual men exist, bisexual people of all genders exist! There are some persisting myths that can make it difficult for people to feel ok exploring and talking about their attraction to multiple genders. One of these myths is that “bisexuality is just a phase” or “a stepping stone towards identifying as gay or lesbian”. Short answer: Nope! 

Long answer: for many people sexual, romantic and emotional attraction is fluid and changes over time. Some people might change their sexual orientation but many people will always be bi. Neither is wrong because everyone’s journey is different. 

Some men identify as straight even though they sometimes have sex with other men. Some men have only ever had relationships with women but still identify as bisexual, or another term such as pansexual. How you identify is entirely up to you.

Ok, so in terms of meeting people and exploring your attractions there are regular groups, events and support on campus. UniQ is a student-run group operated through OUSA Clubs and Societies. They run weekly meet ups and other events such as beer and board games and XO parties. You can join their mailing list by emailing or you can find them on Facebook by searching UniQ Otago. 

You can pop into the OUSA Student Support Centre and have a chat with the Queer Support Coordinator. Queer Support also has an amazing group of student peer supporters. For more information about Queer support email: or visit

All the best for your journey ahead!



This article first appeared in Issue 16, 2016.
Posted 12:00pm Sunday 24th July 2016 by Student Support.