Archive

Entire Witchcraft 102 Class Disintegrates After Surprise Rain On Fieldtrip

Posted 8:20pm Sunday 4th August 2019 by The Critical Tribune

All students of Witchcraft 102: Hexes In Contemporary Society were reduced to ash after a shock shower last Thursday. “It’s an absolute tragedy. We had such a promising class of crones this year,” said the lecturer for the class, Ethel Turtleback. Miss Turtleback refused to Read more...

Horoscopes | Issue 18

Posted 8:13pm Sunday 4th August 2019 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 The new moon left your relationship zone last week and it’s time to do some oversharing with acquaintances, strangers and work colleagues. This week’s crime: You let yourself down. It’s time to revenge porn yourself.   Pisces Feb 19 - Read more...

Critic Booze Reviews | Kahlúa

Posted 8:08pm Sunday 4th August 2019 by Sinkpiss Plath

Have you ever woken up in the morning and thought to yourself ‘I want a very, very mediocre cappuccino’ (and can’t be bothered walking to Good Earth)? When the urge strikes, I go straight to Kahlúa. Kahlúa is a coffee flavoured liqueur, for those of you who are Read more...

Critic Blind Date | Molly Mae and Maura

Posted 8:04pm Sunday 4th August 2019 by Critic

The hopeful lovers on the Critic Blind Date are provided with a meal and a bar tab, thanks to Mamacita. If you’re looking for love and want to give the Blind Date a go, email blinddate@critic.co.nz     Molly Mae It all started two weeks ago when Critic posted that they Read more...

UoO Moaningful Confessions | The Ear Piercing Pegger

Posted 8:01pm Sunday 4th August 2019 by Critic

Had a sexual encounter that was unusual, scandalous, or spicy? Send in your moaningful confession to critic@critic.co.nz     I had my bed against the wall of my flatmates room, and recently just got a girlfriend who is incredible in bed. Like dirty af, loves Read more...

Critic Booze Reviews | Pepe Lopez Gold Tequila

Posted 4:34am Friday 26th July 2019 by Sinkpiss Plath

My dear readers, recently I found out some devastating news. Masterchef Australia has lost its three beautiful judges: George, Matt and Gary. For those of you that are fans of the beloved cooking show, this will come as a blow that may never be truly recovered from. With the weight of these Read more...

UoO Moaningful Confessions | Valliant Vomiter Vandalises Venue

Posted 1:24am Friday 26th July 2019 by Critic

t was my 20th birthday. I was probably the most smashed I have ever been; to the point where I am legitimately surprised that I remembeIr this much. I went to town after a few too many brews (and far too many cones) with no ambition to go home with anyone, but once being introduced to this guy Read more...

Top 10 Reasons To Drink In Your 30s

Posted 1:09am Friday 26th July 2019 by Critic

1. You watch your friends have kids and although you couldn't imagine anything worse, you start to realize the reason you don't want kids is because you grew up knowing that you were an annoying piece of shit that was a total hassle, so that's what kids mean to you now. 2. You hate Read more...

Mould Growing on Bathroom Ceiling Actually New Form of Cheese

Posted 6:02pm Thursday 25th July 2019 by The Critical Tribune

Fourth-year Human Nutrition student Emma Greenwood recently discovered that what she previously thought was deadly black mould is actually a delicious new form of cheese. She said, “My flatmate spilled a bottle of milk upstairs last semester, and we all kinda couldn’t be bothered to Read more...

Scarfie With Flaming Couch Tattoo Never Burned a Couch In His Life

Posted 6:01pm Thursday 25th July 2019 by The Critical Tribune

Third-year Biology student Thomas King has been showing off his latest tattoo, which depicts an iconic Otago University couch burning. However, new evidence has shown that King has never having actually burned a couch. Some have claimed that King’s tattoo is cultural appropriation, and that Read more...