Horoscope

Posted 8:07pm Sunday 30th May 2021 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Were you silent, or were you silenced? Tabloid scandal to revisit: Going to rehab    Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 You need an ego check. Tabloid scandal to revisit: The Crown killed Diana    Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 Tis the Read more...

Horoscope

Posted 12:49am Monday 24th May 2021 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 With exams approaching, you may need to work on your attention span.  This week’s craving: a whole bag of twisties   Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Time to snuggle up, cry and shut yourself out from the world.  This week’s craving: Read more...

Horoscope

Posted 5:03pm Sunday 16th May 2021 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Learn to stand up for yourself, doormat. Good deed for the week: Picking up rubbish    Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 In the coming week you’re going to catch feelings. Stop before you start.  Good deed for the week: Doing your Read more...

Horoscope

Posted 4:11pm Sunday 9th May 2021 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Vape juice isn’t a substitute for serotonin.  Coping mechanism: Therapy  Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Keep having low standards, it’s only up from here.  Coping mechanism: Maladaptive daydreaming   Aries Mar 21 - Apr Read more...

Horoscope

Posted 7:55pm Sunday 2nd May 2021 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 People might not always be there for you, but gear will be.  Dunedin band to listen to: Straightjacket Fits Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Time to put your head into your books instead of giving it.  Dunedin band to listen to: Juno Read more...

Horoscope

Posted 9:32pm Monday 26th April 2021 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 There are plenty of fish in the sea, stop catching feelings. Accessory of choice: chokers Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Keep doing your hot pisces shit, don’t let anyone steal your energy this week baby. Accessory of choice: new shoes Aries Mar 21 - Read more...

Some Astrology Bullshit About Chl÷e Swarbrick

Posted 12:18am Monday 19th April 2021 by Asia Martusia King

Jacinda Arden wouldn’t give me her birth time. But I figured that if any other politician had a CoStar it would be Chlöe Swarbrick, because she’s queer and vegan. I was wrong. Thankfully she’s a gem, and texted her mum for me. Chlöe schlorped into this world on 26th Read more...

Horoscope

Posted 1:25am Monday 19th April 2021 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Feeling manic? Call your therapist. To bake this week: your mind  Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 You need to stop dwelling on yet another failed talking stage. You can do better than tinder breathas.  To bake this week: chocolate covered Read more...

Horoscope

Posted 12:49am Sunday 11th April 2021 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Just because you’re an air sign, doesn’t mean you can keep ghosting people. It’s time to face your commitment issues.  Houseplant of choice: Cobwebs    Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 With midterms ramping up, there will be more Read more...

Horoscope

Posted 5:43pm Sunday 28th March 2021 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Treat yourself to some self care this week. Maybe a quirky new outfit or different vape flavour. Go get 'em.   Vegan food to try: Vape juice   Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 It's time to stop creating steamy fantasies in your head Read more...

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