Aquarius

Jan 20 - Feb 18

Sup baby, take me out to dinner. 

Drug to try: The humble weed brownie.

 

Pisces

Feb 19 - Mar 20

Not everything is a metaphor. Stop reading into every single miniscule detail of your life. It’s just not that fucking deep. 

Drug to try: Shrooms.

 

Aries

Mar 21 - Apr 19

Tis the season to be absolutely un-fucking-hinged. 

Drug to try: Psychedelics baby.

 

Taurus

Apr 20 - May 20

It’s time to be a hermit. Ignore all sense of responsibility. Go off the grid. Buy a hut in the bush. 

Drug to try: Serotonin.

 

Gemini

May 21 - Jun 20

You need a drink. Tequila is perhaps best. 

Drug to try: MDMA. 

 

Cancer

Jun 21 - July 22

Mummy issues aren’t cute. Go get a therapist, wanker.

Drug to try: Stick to alcohol, you are too weak for drugs.

 

Leo

July - Aug 22

With the full moon on the 18th, Leo is gonna have some massive fucking revelations. The only question is if you’re gonna discover empathy or lose what little you have.

Drug to try: Concerta.

 

Virgo

Aug 23 - Sep 22

Remember to check in on people. I know things are overwhelming, but it’s important to remember that you do actually have friends. 

Drug to try: Viagra. 

 

Libra

Sep 23 - Oct 22

You have been experiencing some trials and tribulations recently. Don’t beat yourself up. Dress up hot and take a shot. 
 
Drug to try: Nangs. 

 

Scorpio

Oct 23 - Nov 21

I was thinking with my dickkkkkkkkkk. My shit dumb!

Drug to try: Xanax. 

 

Sagittarius

Nov 22 - Dec 21

Ain’t nothin’ harder than being a swag-ittarius.

Drug to try: Sobriety.

 

Capricorn

Dec 22 - Jan 19

It’s a week for nachos. Treat the flat to some culinary excellence. Remember the guac!

Drug to try: Margaritas and acid.