Do You Believe in Love After Lockdown?

Posted 3:12pm Sunday 5th September 2021 by Asia Martusia King

The pandemic has had its moments. Other than the hallowed launch of Pokémon Go in 2016, I’ve never experienced such a sense of community before — which is odd considering we aren’t allowed to physically hang out. A lot of us formed socially distanced friendships with Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Juicy Stuff in a Juicy Van

Posted 4:30pm Sunday 22nd August 2021 by Critic

This story begins with a weekend trip to Queenstown with the girls. Drinking? Yes. Lines in town which are shorter than two hours? Yes. Hitting the slopes while we’re at it? Big yes. Half a bottle of fireball and a full face of makeup later, we find our way to town. By this point, Read more...

Flat Dildo Stolen

Posted 1:22pm Monday 16th August 2021 by Runze Liu

A group of flatmates have given up hope their dildo will be found safe and well. They remember it fondly. The dildo, described by William as “about eight inches long, fluorescent, a translucent pink colour with veins going down the side, with no balls, a classically sized girth, realistic Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Is the gag reflex mental? No, here’s the proof

Posted 2:39pm Monday 16th August 2021 by Critic

I had moved into a flat after living with my ex whose name for the story shall be Luke. My flattie and I were downing gin and juice while playing board games having a grand ol’ time. Once she carked it in bed, I thought “this is a perfect opportunity to sneak around to my ex’s Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Sandy Cheeks

Posted 2:39am Monday 9th August 2021 by Critic

Once upon a summer's day, a beautiful princess was finishing her last exam. Her (not really) Prince Charming was waiting outside the exam room with a cup of tea, a packed lunch and his noble steed, a Toyota people-mover with amazing fuel economy. It had been a couple of lonely days with the exam Read more...

Dunedin Hospital Doesn’t Want to Watch Haywardians Shag

Posted 1:32am Saturday 31st July 2021 by Fox Meyer

The Paediatric wing of Dunedin Hospital has clear views into Hayward College. Disaster was inevitable. A request from the Children’s Unit at Dunedin Hospital called for Hayward residents to “please close your curtains,” especially during “certain naked activities at Read more...

Mother I’d Like to Fathom: The MILF Conundrum

Posted 5:28pm Sunday 1st August 2021 by Asia Martusia King

May 19 2003 should be a national holiday. Stacy’s Mom by Fountains of Wayne was released and the MILF was born. But, what defines a MILF? The dictionary definition, if Merriam-Webster had the balls, would be “mother I’d like to fuck”. A hot woman with kids. A yummy mummy. Oh, Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Requires A-cyst-ance

Posted 6:46pm Sunday 1st August 2021 by Critic

Journey back with me to fresher year. I’d heard about the joy of living next to a Uni campus and shoving Tinder on less than 2km, but I was yet to experience it first-hand until that fateful night. It was exam season so I was ready for some classic D-stressing. After a few slightly above Read more...

Where were you conceived?

Posted 5:38pm Sunday 25th July 2021 by Critic

You can tell a lot about a person based on where they cum from. Go through these questions and select as many answers as you feel apply to you, and then total the score. For example, if answers 1, 2, and 4 applied to you, you’d score 7 for that question. Get out your calculator, and Read more...

Rate or Hate

Posted 5:54pm Sunday 25th July 2021 by Sasha Freeman

Rate Making out. I think it’s a dead romance! I love just lazily making out with someone all morning. Beautiful stuff.  People who ASK if they can choke you. WAY better than just randomly being near-suffocated in the Subs bathrooms with no warning. Those boxers that have a little Read more...