ODT Watch | Issue 22

Posted 11:22am Sunday 10th September 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin

To start this week, the ODT are reporting on perhaps the best story ever. Yip, it’s a father-son fashion competition. Unfortunately, they provided a picture of a group of winners. Wow, three people wearing caps and sunglasses. What co-ordination, what elegance, what subtle Read more...

Clark V. Woodhouse | Is the New Zealand Health Care System “the Envy of the World”?

Posted 11:10am Sunday 10th September 2017 by David Clark

David Clark The government recently told cancer sector leaders that our healthcare system is “the envy of the World”. That comment has been roundly criticised. Australians are able to access new and innovative medicines, while New Zealanders are not. They know that our cancer Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 21

Posted 11:02am Sunday 3rd September 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin

To start this week, the ODT is reporting on something that will revolutionise agriculture. Just imagine a future where humans are able to grow crops. Close your eyes and imagine. Just imagine.   Next, the ODT has finally lost the ability to tell young people (people under the age Read more...

Clark V. Woodhouse | What is the Best Way to Deal with Youth Offenders?

Posted 11:10am Sunday 3rd September 2017 by David Clark

David Clark Over the past few weeks there has been discussion about youth offending, and how New Zealand can address it. The difference in approach between National and Labour on this issue could not be clearer. The current government has announced that they will set up army-run boot camps for Read more...

DB Draught is the Winston Peters of Beers

Posted 2:27pm Sunday 3rd September 2017 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

DB Draught is an old man’s drink. A sip on the lips is reminiscent of a hard day fucking sheep and feeding the chickens. It’s been around since before any of us could remember, and it will be around long after we die. Just like Winston Peters. If Jesus turned water into wine, then Read more...

Inventions Out of Time | The Pope

Posted 1:49pm Sunday 3rd September 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin

5/5 Great hat. Also, Popemobile. Read more...

The Hell Hole | Things that disgust me Part II

Posted 2:20pm Sunday 3rd September 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin

Drinking a glass of someone else’s phlegm. Making out with your dog. Caking your open eyes in dry sand. Swallowing a whole plastic bag then pulling it out again. A couch that someone slept on for thirty years. Fish feasting on a rotten human foot. Your butt pubes and your head hair swapping. Read more...

Ethel & Hyde | Hanging Round like a Bad Smell

Posted 2:33pm Sunday 3rd September 2017 by Student Support

Dear Ethel and Hyde, We are yet another bunch of unfortunate second years faced with the issue of a flatmate's unsavoury boyfriend. He has ruined our relationship with our flatmate, who gave him a key without our (or the landlord’s) permission. We’ve asked for his key back twice, Read more...

Sage Advice | A Grandfather’s Wisdom

Posted 2:41pm Sunday 3rd September 2017 by Mat Clarkson

“My grandfather was a wonderful role model. Through him I got to know the gentle side of men.” - Sarah Long   This week a loyal reader has kindly forwarded me an email from her grandad, chock-full of advice. She wishes to keep their identities secret, but I can reveal that Read more...

Lucky in Love | Edward & Bella

Posted 2:47pm Sunday 3rd September 2017 by Lovebirds

Each week, we lure two singletons to The Bog Irish Bar, give them food and drink, then wait for their reports to arrive in our inbox. If this sounds like you, email: critic@critic.co.nz   Edward Where do I start? As a fifth year I’ve only ever picked up Critic for this one Read more...